The Man in my life

Just got done watching "The Carrie Diaries". I am completely sold.
As a branch in the Sex and the city franchise, It is not ok, by a long shot.
But as a show, it is really good.
I found myself wanting more after the first episode was done, and waiting a whole week for episode 2, is not something I'm looking forward too!

I love sex and the city for a lot of reasons. New York is one of them.
I completely get where Carrie is coming from when she rants about the City.
There is no place in the world that I love more than Manhattan.
I've been to Manhattan 3 times in one year. Halloween, My birthday in may, and halloween again.
I really wanna make it a thing to find myself on Manhattan atleast ones every year, preferably Halloween. It just feels like home to me. I find my way around without trouble. The City has a pulse that I can keep up with without stressing out And last but not least, New Jersey and Clifton is really close by so I would be able to see my friends a lot.
I have SO many memories from New York. Good and not so good.
I don't wanna say bad cause I don't regret anything that happened while visiting NY & NJ.
I am free and happy on Manhattan and some day I hope I can bring my best friends with me and show them what it's all about.

All over

Skyped last night with my mentor and soul sister, Sophia.
She always brings me peace of mind. I could probably go on a rant about her and fill a whole blog entry about how she helped me find my way. But I won't :)
Love her to death.

Am waiting for my new extentions to get here.
Have had short hair now for about a month, and it freakin SUCKS!!
But sooooon I will have long pretty hair again.

It's snowing outside again.
Love it when it's snowing and I don't have to go outside.
It's so pretty.
I love my country and all the nature that's around me.
I like Santa Monica too.. But....!
I'm definitely more of a big busy town girl.
Next time I move somewhere in US it will definitely be East Coast.
The best part about East coast, is the different seasons.
LA has one season... Summer. Pretty much.
I want the different colours of the fall, the snow in winter time and the gorgeous spring time.

Psssh...!

 

 

 

We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends talk
To my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Like ever...

 

 

 

There it is!!

I found my smile!
It's been missing for about a week now but just like that, it hit me!
Im sitting here listning to Jordan Knight, Demi Lovato and Taylow Swift and just, glowing with positive energy!
It's a GREAT feeling and I am thankful I found my happy place again!
Grateful to have my glow back in time for my friends to need me.
Have 2'two friends who's going through some things right now, and I have positivity enough to cover the tree of us. I am gonna hold on to this feeling like nothing else.
Like attracts like and I want more!

HappyThankYouMorePlease!!

Everyday

Coming to terms with the feeling of betrayal and abandonment is not an easy task.
Especially not when its fresh and when it hits you with no explanation.
I am still working on this and I am starting to come to terms with it, but there's still a lot of resentment towards that person. I don't think I'll ever get passed that.
And to be honest, I don't think I have to either.
Friends will come and friends will go. I learned that the hard way.

I've had a rough patch for a few days now. Falling a little behind and been struggling with myself.
Had to txt my roomie and apologize for being.. "off".
She responded that she had not noticed anything "off" with me and that I had no reason to apologize.
That felt so good to hear. I don't want my "off" perionds to effect anyone around me.
They are my rough times and they should not have to be someone elses bad mood.
I love my roomie and her daughter. We're like a little family.
I am starting to feel safe here and thats an awesome and rare feeling with me.
Same goes with my BFF, Saara.
I LOVE spending time with her and she makes my days a little brighter. A lot brighter.
Saara and her fiancé have pretty much become a part of my every day.
So much so that not even her fiancé realizes how much time me and Saara actually spend together.
When Saara and I hang out, we don't even really do anything, we chit-chat, play monopolly and watch movies. No need to go out and party or things like that.. we just.. are! So comfortable.
I love her to death and she's one of the best things that ever happened to me. By far.

Monopoly Night

 

PLUS

 

=

 

Overcoming

I'm gonna start hitting ACA work again. Hard core.
I've been slipping a little and I find myself in a fall back.
It's only these passed few days that I've fallen back. I was doing really well.
I guess we all have our up's and down's. It's REALLY important to me to keep pushing and working on myself. I don't wanna wake up in a world where I am back where I started.
Had a chat with my mentor earlier today and she comfirmed everything I was feeling.
She said that when it happens to her, when she has a "fall back", it almost feels like we have to get over the person/situation all over again. That is exactly what I feel like and it's really freaking me out.
All the work this past year and a half has not exactly been easy. Especially not these past 8 months, counting after I got over Jordan.
I know that I have years of theraphy and work to do on my self, and it won't be easy.
But I am a survivour and I will overcome.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take,
relationships we were too afraid to have,
and the decisions we waited too long to make.

HappyThankYouMorePlease

2012 - 2013

The year of HappyThankYouMorePlease.
2012 is the year of my life and I hope that 2013 brings me just as much joy as 2012 did. If not more.
I have met people that have forever changed my life for the better and I am happier, stronger and more secure in myself now than I have ever been.
I wish all of you a happy new year!
Today is the first blank page of 365 days, write a good one!

 

Happy Birthday BFF

Been spending a whole lot of time with my best friend, Saara.
We have become closer than ever. I love her to death and I would not be the same happy person without her. She is one of the main reasons to why I'm doing so good away from Soph.
Soph was my corner stone living in Santa Monica.
She made everything make sense and she taught me things about my self I would have never learned if it wasn't for her.
Saara is now the person who makes me want to keep pushing.
She keeps me happy and joyful, something I find VERY useful in my struggles.
I love her dearly and I am SOOOO grateful to have her in my life!
Saaras birthday was yesterday and along with that she has a birthday party.
I spent the WHOLE day at her place, helping out prepping and also of course, celebrating her on her day.

The Elite

    Visiting Jennifer

A Happy Christmas

And then it was Christmas.
I can for sure say this has been one of the best Christmas holidays in years.
It's not every year I get to celebrate Christmas, so each time I do I am extra grateful!
I spent Christmas with my beautiful friend, Nadja and her family.
I have known Nadja for years. We don't hang out that much, but she is someone I keep very close to my heart as she is one of the best people I know.
For Christmas, Nadja gave me a gift box with 10 different nail polishes and also a gift card to my favorite store. As I am an open Nailpolish junky, the gift was VERY appreciated.
I also got to dress up as Santa and embarrass myself infron of her whole family.
Later on Christmas day I went over to my good friend, Annas house where we played games and such. My body decided it was gonna act up and I had to make it an early night.
All in all a very nice Christmas spent with good people.
time. Maybe years!

Gratefulness

My wonderful beautiful friends.
So many of them going through rough times right now. It truly breaks my heart.
Friends seperating from their husbands, fiancés and boyfriends. And all of them have children between them. I am doing my very best to be there for them and help out in every way that I can.
If it's watching the kids while they sort out whatever they have to do, or just lend an ear when they need to talk. Don't really matter as long as it helps make things easier for them in some way.
It's sad that good people have to go through things like this.
I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, so if bad things were to happen to me, it would probaby just be Karma.. But for bad things to happen to them.. Just not fair.
I really have to remember to put some ME time aside in all this.
I can't be there for them if I don't make sure I'm there for me.
One of the best things anyone ever said to be was; "You should be the most inportant person to you".
That sentence helped me in so many ways.
One of the major things that happened when that was said to me way, I let go of J.
Almost instantly. And that is probaby the best thing that ever happened to me.

I will always be grateful to D for that comment. Always.

 

Also grateful to have somewhere to spend Christmas this year.

It wasn't looking good for a long time, but a good friend invited me to spend it with her and her family. The thought of not celebrating Christmas is not a big deal to me. It's the thought of spending it alone that makes me sad. Knowing that everyone else I know is with their families and I'm at home alone. Been really blessed these last few years having friends who have invited me to celebrate with them. It wasn't always like that.

 

 

 

It makes sense

One of those days that you're just grateful for.
Haven't done much, but it's been on going and full of positive energy.
Started out spending 3 days with Sandra and baby Molly. I love spending time with them.
Its just simple and relaxed. Isabelle picked me up and we went out to a mall area that's located a little out of town. We did some Christmas shopping before it was time for me to head over to Dorotheas place.
I am babysitting her kids tonight while she is at a gig and her hubby and his friends at the movies.
When it comes to her kids, I LOVE spending time with them. They are 3 GORGEOUS well behaved kids and they are always a joy to be around and they never cause any trouble for me when I watch them.
Alvin, the youngest.. I have a special bond with him.
I've been with him since he was born while I missed out on over a year with the twins while I lived in the US. Sure, I've been away living in the US now for a year, but when I left for the US, Alvin was old enough to know me and remember me when I got back.
With the twins, I left while they were still babies so it was impossible for them to remember me when I got back. No matter what, I adore these kids and I will always be happy to babysit them.


Am right now havin some "Me time". Watchin TV while having a glass of red wine.
It's moments like these that makes all the struggles SO worth pushing trough.
Happy and content with my situation and with the person I have become.
I have a new found tolerance for situations and people in which I had little to no tolerance for before my therapy and recovery. I just, see things and people in a different light.
I have an understanding in people in a way I didn't before.


Another thing is something that has struck a chord with me.
Something I can not in anyway, no matter what, understand.. Is when people hurt another on purpose.
My heart is absolutely breaking for a friend of mine who is going trough some things right now.
She has my full on support and help should she need it. It just hurts my heart when such a good hearted and selfless person, gets stepped on. There are not many like her out there.
Treat people like you would like them to treat you.

Believe

There are not many people "now days" that I look up to and admire.
I spoke to one of them last night.. It brought me sadness to hear that she had lost her light a little bit.
I guess we all have our "fall-a-parts", but when it happens to those people who always brought hope and motivation to you, when you where in the gutter.. it makes me sad.
This person is young and strong and already at a young age have a full on education in a very important part of our "system".
She's gone trough some very tough times and always came out on top.
Even tho I am a firm believer in that the Universe will never put more pressure on you than what you will be able to handle..
I still feel that maybe it should step off of her and give her a break.
I'm gonna put my willpower to use and send some positive thoughts her way.
Now, I don't believe in God, but I do believe in the Universe and the law of attraction.
The bible supports that theory so in words that speak to you;

- "Ask and you shall receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7

 

 

 

 

Change Is Good

Had a really awesome time last night with my wonderful Saara!
I love having friends like her. So un complicated!
We made tacos and watched a movie.

Feeling a little bit "off" this morning.
It's gonna do me good to skype with Soph tomorrow.
Just to be able to feel that security and stability again.
I love Soph to death and I will always and no matter what be grateful to her for helping me find my way.

It's really nice keepingmy blog low key this time around.
Used to have between 100-300 readers every day, and I used to blog for them and not for me.
Now, my blog is pretty much my diary, everything that goes on in my head and in my life ends up in here. And I don't post my blog on facebook for EVERYONE to read and so far I've only given it out to ONE friend. Well, part from Isabelle.. But she's more Family.
It's definitely a different kind of blog for me than from what I've done in the past.

Snowmageddon

It's been snowing ALL day. And I'm not talking about pretty snow falling from the sky, I'm talkin full on blizzard!! Snow was coming from all directions but from above!
Completely crazy!
My town as well as Stockholm got struck the worst I think, at least from what I understand from the News reports.
I was supposed to run some errands but that went to hell... well, in this case, Siberia.
Hopefully tomorrow it will be over.
It's kind of funny.. Sweden is practically North Pole, Snow happens EVERY year and STILL.. EVERY YEAR the whole country comes to a stand still when the first snow falls.
Traffic stops running, trains derail, traffic accidents. You name it.
You'd think that by now Sweden would be ready and prepared for the snow but No.
Same thing every year.

 

 

Pre and Post

Early night. Well.. it's 11pm but I usually don't get around to blog untill much, much later.
Spent the day with Sandra and Baby Molly. Now I'm at home having some alone time.
Isabelle and Cayenne went to bed an hr ago or so.
Isabelle has to get up early tomorrow and go nail her English test. I know she will do well.
This week as every week is packed with seeing my friends.
Yesteday I hung out with Bell, today and tomorrow I'm spending time with Sandra. And I'm also Skyping with Ana Banana from portugal tomorrow night. Thursday I've double booked Elin and Thea (will have to figure that out) and on Friday I'm spending time with my BFF, Saara :)
Spoke to Soph again last night. Hopefully will get some skype time with her this weekend.
Soph means the absolute world to me. I'm not even gonna try and expalain the situation.

I found myself going through pictures on my friends page on facebook.
Found a whole lot of me and her.
I found myself almost disgusted. I can't even stand to look at my self, pre Jordan war.
I was in such a dark place and so emotionally damaged that.. I just don't recognize my self in those pictures.
I am a completely different person now.
I don't know the girl in those pictures and I don't ever again wanna cross paths with her.
Everything that happened pre Jordan is stuff I am leaving behind me.
I live for now and the future. ´

Cheers for the future! 

Milk Heads

That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you're like...
"Ummmmm, no bitch!"

 

 

    

Pineapple

 

 

Just because you miss someone, doesn't mean you need them back in your life.

Missing is just a part of moving on.


 

Do not let the past define you

That is one of my favorite sayings.
Only problem I have with people saying this is, that most of the time, THEY let someones past define that person.
People change all the time, they grow and they learn from the mistakes that they do.
To judge someone for something they did in the past is not something that I would do, ESPECIALLY not if I was one of the people throwing that phrase around, and not having all the facts lined up.
What I'm saying is that, try not to live in the past.
Forgiveness is the best way to move on.
Don't assume that someone is the same as they were before.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.