I love them dearly!

I've been really craving a visit to FL lately.
I haven't been back there since my trip back in 99.
That was probably the best visit to the US so far.
I met people who would forever change my life and me as a person.
I was 14 when I first decided I wanted to go to FL.
Mostly I wanted to go because of the fact that FL, is where the Backstreet Boys are from originally.
But ones I got there.. That didn't even matter.
The family I stayed with while I was there, my host family.. They were, and still are.. some of the best people I have ever met. They are my Florida Family.
The mother of the Family, Suzanne was really young when I was visiting.. I think she was a few years younger than I am now..? She taught me things that I would forever carry with me.
Now the olderst of their children, Lexy.. She's getting married.. (This is where I should say something like, 'They grow up so fast') And I still, and probaby always will see her as the little 5yr old who helped me break in to Nick Carters gated community in Apollo Beach, FL.
I lost contact with my FL family somwhere along the way after returning home and it would take around 10 years to track them down again.
And now when I have them back in my life.. I ask the Universe that I won't ever lose them again.

Svenskt

Nu är det såhär, jag tycker egentligen inte om att "prata" via bloggar och facebook och allt vad det kan vara och "hinta" till folk. Men nog får vara nog.
Game over för den "vännen" som har kallat sig för mig vän och samtidigt gått till alla möjliga människor och bokstavligen, snackat skit om mig.
Påstått saker som inte alls varit sanna, och sedan i andra sekunden gått och sagt till mig vilken underbar vän jag är.
Du som säger till andra att jag behandlar dig som skit, när allt jag gjort är att prata bra om dig och tilloch med försvarat dig när jag sett andra behandla dig som skit.
Du som gillar mina status uppdateringar när jag skriver hur mycket jag uppskattar mina vänner.
DU är inte en av de vännerna jag syftar på.
Jag har LÄNGE vetat att du säger en sak till andra och behandlar mig på ett annat.
Du som tycker att du "förlorar" vänner till mig.
DET har INGET med mig att göra, utan det ligger nog mer hos dig, och vem DU är.
Du som svek mig och sen bad om förlåtelse, för att sedan sticka mig i ryggen igen.
De hemska sakerna som jag fått reda på att du sagt om mig är nog.
Nog för att jag aldrig mer vill ha något med dig att göra mera.
Jag tollererar MYCKET bullshit så länge man ber om ursäkt men en gång är ett misstag, Två gånger är en vana och denna vana du har att smutskasta mig och vara falsk, är INGET jag vill veta av och behöver ha i min närhet.

Så game over, Game over för dig.

Scarred

It's 3am in the morning.
I just got inside after taking an hr long walk with my sister, with whom I have not talked to or sein in over a year. Close to a year and a half actually.
Stuff happened.. It's all a long story really..
I ended up feeling abandoned and alone after not hearing from her in over a year.
We talked about things that had happened. Deep dark things.
The kind of things that ruin peoples lives.
I think we managed to talk through the roughest parts of it all..
It's gonna take a long time and major damage control..
And I don't know if I will ever forgive her for things, the scars are just so many and trust is one of the hardest things to regain. Only time will tell..

Truth is, you gotta forgive to be able to move forward in life.
It's hard holding a grudge and being angry with people.
And when it all comes down to it, it affects you more than it affects the person with whom you are upset with.
I do hope that this will bring me peace of mind and that I will be able to let go of the anxiety and anger that this has caused me.

After all, It's all about YOU anyways.

Jersey Memories

Feel the weight
Of your hate
I still bleed
My heart aches
As you take
And you take

So I'm cold, made of ice
Heart of stone born to fight
But I cry
I still cry
Are you happy to know
I'm unhappy alone?
Take your shot, I'm wide open

 

Words cut through my skin
Tears roll down my chin
My walls crumble within
But I'll take it all on
And get up when I fall
'Til the last curtain call

 

But you'll never get the best of me no you won't
Said you'll never get the best of me no more
Aren't you tired of throwing stones
Trying to kick me when I'm down?
But you'll never get the best of me, no, you won't!

Loved ones!

Joy

WONDERFUL news came today!
My teenage heart is breaking but I could not be happier for my childhood idol and his lovely now fiance, Lauren Kitt!
The two have been together for over 4 years now and it now looks like Nick finally put a ring on it!
I loved Lauren from the first second I met her.
She is a lovely girl and she's proven to be really good for our Backstreet Boy.
I wish them both SO much happiness and love!

Girls

So today has been a good day.
One of those days that just makes you stop, and reflect on people and situations around you.
I'm a very grateful person. I do appreciate the struggles just as much as I am grateful for the more easy times in life.
I've got a fantastic army of friends behind me and for that I am truly truly grateful.
Without you guys I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
It will SUCK being me when the time comes when I get marries and all that..
Cause picking brides maids will be a pain in the ASS. Surly I can't have ALL of you!

So my gorgeous friend, Nadja had a girls nigt at her place.
Need less to say, it was interesting.
I was the only sober one out of the bunch and I'm not for that shit again in a while.
It's funny at the same time, being the only sober one.. seeing how people act under the influense of alcohol.
All in all it was a good night spent with good people.

XOXO

I don't have time to hate the people who hate me.

Because I'm to busy loving the people who love me!

Loved

Just got back from celebrating baby Mollys first birthday!
Can't get enough of that little girl! She just makes me smile.

After everyone had left I stayed behind and hung out with Sandra & Johan, (Mollys parents) for a while. Had dinner at their place and talked. And just like that Sandra hands me this Beautiful Miranda bear! I used to collect them when I was younger but they got so expensive so I had to give it up.
Miranda bears always has these cute little messages printed on their shirts.
This one had a pink shirt that said "Best Friend".
Stuff like this always makes me cry like a baby, but I managed to handle myself.
I got all warm and happy inside and it just ones again proves that I really do have the best friends in the world and that I could not be in a better place than I am right now.
The love I have for my friends can't be put in to words, and I wouldn't wanna try either. I'll rather do my best in trying to show them, each and every day how much they mean to me.
Every single one of you!

 

THANK YOU Sandra!
This means A LOT to me!!

 

 

 

Booked!

You know you're in a good place when it's starting to become hard to plan your week do to having too many friends so you can't fit them all in the same week. Boho.
Sure, I guess I could see all my closest friends every week, but ME time is important to me and not something I am willing to give up.
This week isn't even over yet and I'm almost booked all next week.
Monday seeing my sister, tuesday Hopefully Thea, Wednesday I'm babysitting baby Molly, Thursday laundry day, Friday seeing Nadja, saturday & sunday still open as far as I can remember.
Busy busy busy.
I'm not complaining tho.. Like I said, I know I'm in a good place.
Surrounded by awesome people whom I love and adore.
It can't and won't get any better than this.

Cheers to the freakin weekend!

Little Star

My little star turns one tomorrow!!
I've been invited to Mollys first birthday and I can't help to feel a little proud!
I love the fact that she likes me and that her mommy and daddy trusts me with her.
As far as I understand, there's not that many that her mommy trusts to babysit her, so for me to be one of the trusted ones.. makes me very happy.
I love that little girl!
She's always a joy to be around and I can't wait to see her grow up!
I can honestly say I've never been so excited to go to someones birthday party before!

Babies

Babysitting baby Molly tonight
She's definitely one of the cutest and sweetest babies I know.
She's a easy one to handle too.
Her mommy and daddy left a little before 7pm and after that.. No problem what so ever.
Now, it's not the first time I'm left alone with Molly, so she knows me very well. But still.
I LOVE how her face lights up when I walk in the door at my friends house.
It sparks something in me that I can't really put in to worlds.
It's a good feeling!

I guess the fact that I should have had a 6 months old baby now makes me enjoy being around little ones, even more.
The universe works in mysterious ways, and it decided that this baby.. was gonna have to wait.
Thinking back to it now.. I would probably be better off having a baby with someone who would actually step up to the plate and take responsibility for things.
Which would be the exact opposite from what this other person did.
It don't matter tho. I will always love this person for what he gave me,
- A reason to start on new.

Friendship

I have to LOL at people complaining of them "losing" friends to me.
I think the problem is more on YOU than on me.
I didn't know you could own a friend. Even less that I or anyone for that matter, can have some sort of power over someone that they could make that person leave all their other friends, for just one friend?
And if that was to happen, I think the person leaving the other friends.. is the one with the problem.
Sure, I went away for a year, but I never saw that at leaving my friends.
I always knew.. or thought at least that... It will never matter where I go in the world.
My friends will be my friends regardless of where I am.
In some cases this turned out to be true. Others.. not.
I will never blame anyone or hold it against another person if they decide not to be my friend anymore.
It is their decision and I can not effect that.
My life will go on with or without them.

I keep my friends close. Cause I love the feeling of being surrounded by the people I love the most.
I don't have a family, so to me.. My friends are the closest thing I have to a family.
Some of them I don't see or speak to that often, but that does not change the fact that I love them and will always be here for them, should they ever need me.
It's simply life "getting in the way" of me seeing them as often as I would like.

After I got home I have gotten REALLY close to people I never used to be so close to.
I have been friends with them for years, but our personalities has just not been THAT great of a match.
Now, after a year of learning and growing I am a COMPLETELY different person than I was before I left.
It's a shame that some of the people I thought was closest to me, will never get to know the new and real me. But it makes me so much more grateful that the people who stood by me, are embracing me fully and are seeing me from NOW, not the past.
These are the people I want in my life.
The people whom I know I can trust and be myself around.
People who will not judge me for shit I did years ago.
People who wants to make new memories and live for the future, not the past.
THOSE, are the friends I love and adore.

To everyone else, I wish you happiness and all the love in the world.

Winter Wonder Dogs

Belong

Been having such an awesome time living!
For the first time in a LONG time, I feel that I am exactly where I should be at this very moment.
I LOVE spending time with Isabelle and learning from her.
She's one of the strongest people I know and I look up to her in so many ways.

I've been getting SO much love and support from my friends lately.
It motivates me to do good and to keep at this track.
It must be the most amazing feeling in the world, to know you are loved and appreciated.
The best compliment someone can give you is "Thank you for being you".
Cause that's all we can ever be, ourselves.
It's easy to lose track of who we are.
And it's not the easiest thing to find who we are and who we are supposed to be.
I believe eventually, we will all get there. With a little big of help from people around us.

HappyThankYouMorePlease

Mirrors

Omg he is back and he is just THAT amazing!
Im completely blown away! This is by far the best work he has done till date!
He has been SO missed from the music scene. Everyone who knows me, know that I'm not a fan of the "actor" JT, but as a musician he is, by far one of the best ones out there and this song just proves it! I am.. I, I LOVE this song!!

 

 

Don't pretend you're sorry, I know you're not.

 

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
 

Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can't resist
'Cause you're the air
That I breathe
 

♥

 

 

Jersey Girl

I'm a Jersey girl. My heart is Jersey, my soul is Jersey.
I'm just.. maybe a little bit nicer than a lot of Jersey girls...
I've been missing Jersey like a fish out of water, lately.
I don't really know why, cause it's only been 3 months since my last visit.
I just feel free when I'm there. At home!

Like they say, Home is where the heart is.

Wed - Sunday

Dieting is serious business!
I'm working my BUTT off to stay on track. So far, i've lost 10.8 lbs! Since last monday.
I'd say that's pretty damn good. I'm determined to make my goal and I've never been more motivated.
I can do this and I WILL do this. Watch me!

Spent the afternoon yesterday, with my good friend Sandra.
She's one of my very best friends and I love her SO much.
Sandra and I went to college together back in the day. We've known eachother since 2001.
She's one of those people who just make you feel like you're enough. That you matter.
We never used to hang out much before I moved to Santa Monica and changed my life.
Our personalities fit SO much better now that we've both grown. We are both comfortable with ourselves and I think that makes a HUGE difference in our friendship.

Tonight I've been hanging out with BFF.
We made Tacos, played UNO and laughed.
The nights with BFF are the best nights ever. We always have a good time, even if both of us can get really competative at times. But it's all in the name of love and fun and it never gets TOOOO serious... ish ;)
While I was at BFF's place, my little sister contacted me on facebook.
I haven't seein, spoken or had any sort of contact with her for over a year.
I'm not gonna go into detail abot why but I just, have no intrest in having her in my life anymore.
It threw me off a little bit, hearing from her.. But I'm doing my best to get her out of my focus as back in track again.

Tomorrow I'm off to Nadja's place for some girl time.
There's gonna be alcohol and snacks around but I am on a strick diet so for me, there will only be a big bottle of Diet Coke.
Saturday, some BFF time again and on sunday, I am off to spend some AWESOME time with my Backstreet Buddy, Jennifer. I can't wait to see her. We hang out way less than I would like, but I know I will always be able to count on her and I feel really blessed to have her in my life.

Untill we meet again.. x