All Saints

At work. Bored out of my mind with nothing to do.. So why not update the blog?
Did NOT get enough sleep last night. So feel like everything is going in slomo at the moment.
Which is good.. tired = no chance for anxiety.

It is today one week til London!! Excited beyond words for this!
THREE big reasons. Exchange, Backstreet boys and All Saints.
All saints is opening for the Backstreet Boys in the UK and I can't wait!
I've been an Saints fan since the late 90's SO glad they're back.
Hope they're doing the old hits, "Never Ever" being my favorite!
As for The Exchange.. No words! I feel like a little school girl with these boys.
Completely stoopified!
I just hope that they will never get "celebrity" get the best of them and that they will stay true to them selves and what they do, as attention on them grows.
I would HATE to see them get big headed and forget what's important in what they do.

Exchanging BSB, Aaron... Carter??

I like nice people.
And I don't mean.. like everyone else likes nice people. I mean i get really excited over nice people.
Is that sad? Kind of, hu?
I just.. I don't know.. I see people treat each other like dirt, so when I come across someone nice.. I get really.. happy? lol
Yea yea.. I never said I was "normal".

I'm in such a weird state of mind this past month.
Going on tour is bitter sweet for me.. do to certain people working with the backstreets.
I keep a low profile around the boys, in respect to this person.
I mean.. yea.. Ya'll know..
"Someone" looks A LOT like his brother and it's hard to be around him.. cause all I see is.. THAT guy.
Whatevs, it is what it is..



Tomorrow it's one week until me and Jenn touch down in London.
I can not wait. And i can't stress that enough!
I really can not wait! No, really.
I'm honestly more excited to get to see The Exchange again than to see my boys.
Love those guys. Raw talent.
Truly appreciate them.
Especially Aaron who's got me lifted from anxiety this past week.
He's been such a sweetheart and i truly truly appreciate him.
It takes so little to snap me out of anxiety if it's from "the right person".





I have two weeks left at my job then it's time to start looking for a new job.
I wanna work with people.. around people and towards people.
An office 9-5 job is NOT my thing.
It's not long until I get to go back home to NY again.
I truly can't wait.. Home! Haven't been back since october 2011 now and that's the longest I've ever been away from my favorite place on earth! It's gonna be fun to introduce the new me to my friends back there. They saw me last when I was 90lbs heavier and a brunette, and broken for that matter.

Well.. I need to try and sleep now before thoughts start spinning.

Grateful.

Gratefulness.

Oh my.. This whole blogging thing has really sadly ended up not being something i prioritize.
But then again.. When i started this blog it was only for me..
A place where I could write down my thoughts and analyze myself and things that was going on in my life at that time.
I then ended up opening it up to the public.
It is still kind of a safe haven for me, a place I want to keep free from negative things.
Like.. This is not a place where I would ever say something negative about anyone who did me wrong or things of that sort. It is simply a place for me to share my life and thoughts with.. well, let's face it.. complete strangers. At least some of you.

I am right now all up in "my happy place".. which is, as you all know.. The backstreet boys.
It has been my happy place since I was 12 years old. My world when everything at home was falling a part. I don't share my childhood stories with that many ppl. Only people I feel completely comfortable with will get me to open up enough for me to share things like that.
I talk allot about me being ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics.
For those of you who knows what that means, may understand what my childhood was like.. for you who don't. Google it.
I still today struggle with things based on my childhood. I suffer from severe Anxiety for example.
SEVERE. To the point when I sometimes feel that "tomorrow.. I hope I don't have to wake up".
It's an awful feeling.. But it is something I have learned to live with. More or less.
I mean.. I will never fully "LEARN" to live with it.. But accepting it is a step in the right direction.

Lately I have been doing really poorly with my anxiety, really poorly. I went back on my meds and things were pretty much shit.
But then the awaited Backstreet Boys tour came. Me and my partner in crime, Jennifer.. of course booked a couple of shows.
And.. I found, to my surprise that the opening act, this time.. did not make me want to shoot myself.
The opening act is a fantastically talented Vocal Harmony group that goes by the name of "The Exchange Vocal", or The Exchange if you will.
Five super talented guys with the sweetest personalities.
I had the honor to meet this guys a couple of times.. And even got stuck on a train with them for a few hours traveling from Gothenburg to Copenhagen. Long story.. But it was funny.
I really enjoy them and they have kept me busy and distracted since the day I first met them.
They have a fantastic ability to spread happiness around them by just being so genuinely grateful for being where they are right now.. and for enjoying what they do. It really reaches people.
Since I met these guys and saw them perform, they have kept me giddy and excited.
To the point where I have not had take my anxiety meds anymore.
I wonder what it would feel like knowing that you did what they did for me, to someone else.
to know that you are making someone really happy.
I wish these guys nothing but the best and hope that they will enjoy every minute of what they are experiencing right now.
That they are taking it all in.
Cause they truly deserve all the buzz they are stirring up all over Europe right now.
I will get to see these guys again in about a week and a half when me and Jennifer are travelling to London and Manchester to attend the backstreet boys two last shows in Europe before they head back to the US.
This for me.. started out with me going to see the backstreet boys.
But as of right now.. I am going to see The Exchange.. And that is the main excitement for me flying over to the UK, not the Backstreet Boys.. Yes.. I actually put that in print.

I hope you all are doing well out there and that you are reminding yourself of all the ways that you are blessed. If not.. Think about it. It's good to remind yourself every now and then.
It's important to stay grateful.
Some extra love goes out to one of my absolute best friend who are not doing to good at the moment.
I will always have your back and support you, always.. It's ok to fall sometimes.. I will hold you up.