Happy Birthday BFF

Been spending a whole lot of time with my best friend, Saara.
We have become closer than ever. I love her to death and I would not be the same happy person without her. She is one of the main reasons to why I'm doing so good away from Soph.
Soph was my corner stone living in Santa Monica.
She made everything make sense and she taught me things about my self I would have never learned if it wasn't for her.
Saara is now the person who makes me want to keep pushing.
She keeps me happy and joyful, something I find VERY useful in my struggles.
I love her dearly and I am SOOOO grateful to have her in my life!
Saaras birthday was yesterday and along with that she has a birthday party.
I spent the WHOLE day at her place, helping out prepping and also of course, celebrating her on her day.

The Elite

    Visiting Jennifer

A Happy Christmas

And then it was Christmas.
I can for sure say this has been one of the best Christmas holidays in years.
It's not every year I get to celebrate Christmas, so each time I do I am extra grateful!
I spent Christmas with my beautiful friend, Nadja and her family.
I have known Nadja for years. We don't hang out that much, but she is someone I keep very close to my heart as she is one of the best people I know.
For Christmas, Nadja gave me a gift box with 10 different nail polishes and also a gift card to my favorite store. As I am an open Nailpolish junky, the gift was VERY appreciated.
I also got to dress up as Santa and embarrass myself infron of her whole family.
Later on Christmas day I went over to my good friend, Annas house where we played games and such. My body decided it was gonna act up and I had to make it an early night.
All in all a very nice Christmas spent with good people.
time. Maybe years!

Gratefulness

My wonderful beautiful friends.
So many of them going through rough times right now. It truly breaks my heart.
Friends seperating from their husbands, fiancés and boyfriends. And all of them have children between them. I am doing my very best to be there for them and help out in every way that I can.
If it's watching the kids while they sort out whatever they have to do, or just lend an ear when they need to talk. Don't really matter as long as it helps make things easier for them in some way.
It's sad that good people have to go through things like this.
I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, so if bad things were to happen to me, it would probaby just be Karma.. But for bad things to happen to them.. Just not fair.
I really have to remember to put some ME time aside in all this.
I can't be there for them if I don't make sure I'm there for me.
One of the best things anyone ever said to be was; "You should be the most inportant person to you".
That sentence helped me in so many ways.
One of the major things that happened when that was said to me way, I let go of J.
Almost instantly. And that is probaby the best thing that ever happened to me.

I will always be grateful to D for that comment. Always.

 

Also grateful to have somewhere to spend Christmas this year.

It wasn't looking good for a long time, but a good friend invited me to spend it with her and her family. The thought of not celebrating Christmas is not a big deal to me. It's the thought of spending it alone that makes me sad. Knowing that everyone else I know is with their families and I'm at home alone. Been really blessed these last few years having friends who have invited me to celebrate with them. It wasn't always like that.

 

 

 

It makes sense

One of those days that you're just grateful for.
Haven't done much, but it's been on going and full of positive energy.
Started out spending 3 days with Sandra and baby Molly. I love spending time with them.
Its just simple and relaxed. Isabelle picked me up and we went out to a mall area that's located a little out of town. We did some Christmas shopping before it was time for me to head over to Dorotheas place.
I am babysitting her kids tonight while she is at a gig and her hubby and his friends at the movies.
When it comes to her kids, I LOVE spending time with them. They are 3 GORGEOUS well behaved kids and they are always a joy to be around and they never cause any trouble for me when I watch them.
Alvin, the youngest.. I have a special bond with him.
I've been with him since he was born while I missed out on over a year with the twins while I lived in the US. Sure, I've been away living in the US now for a year, but when I left for the US, Alvin was old enough to know me and remember me when I got back.
With the twins, I left while they were still babies so it was impossible for them to remember me when I got back. No matter what, I adore these kids and I will always be happy to babysit them.


Am right now havin some "Me time". Watchin TV while having a glass of red wine.
It's moments like these that makes all the struggles SO worth pushing trough.
Happy and content with my situation and with the person I have become.
I have a new found tolerance for situations and people in which I had little to no tolerance for before my therapy and recovery. I just, see things and people in a different light.
I have an understanding in people in a way I didn't before.


Another thing is something that has struck a chord with me.
Something I can not in anyway, no matter what, understand.. Is when people hurt another on purpose.
My heart is absolutely breaking for a friend of mine who is going trough some things right now.
She has my full on support and help should she need it. It just hurts my heart when such a good hearted and selfless person, gets stepped on. There are not many like her out there.
Treat people like you would like them to treat you.

Believe

There are not many people "now days" that I look up to and admire.
I spoke to one of them last night.. It brought me sadness to hear that she had lost her light a little bit.
I guess we all have our "fall-a-parts", but when it happens to those people who always brought hope and motivation to you, when you where in the gutter.. it makes me sad.
This person is young and strong and already at a young age have a full on education in a very important part of our "system".
She's gone trough some very tough times and always came out on top.
Even tho I am a firm believer in that the Universe will never put more pressure on you than what you will be able to handle..
I still feel that maybe it should step off of her and give her a break.
I'm gonna put my willpower to use and send some positive thoughts her way.
Now, I don't believe in God, but I do believe in the Universe and the law of attraction.
The bible supports that theory so in words that speak to you;

- "Ask and you shall receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7

 

 

 

 

Change Is Good

Had a really awesome time last night with my wonderful Saara!
I love having friends like her. So un complicated!
We made tacos and watched a movie.

Feeling a little bit "off" this morning.
It's gonna do me good to skype with Soph tomorrow.
Just to be able to feel that security and stability again.
I love Soph to death and I will always and no matter what be grateful to her for helping me find my way.

It's really nice keepingmy blog low key this time around.
Used to have between 100-300 readers every day, and I used to blog for them and not for me.
Now, my blog is pretty much my diary, everything that goes on in my head and in my life ends up in here. And I don't post my blog on facebook for EVERYONE to read and so far I've only given it out to ONE friend. Well, part from Isabelle.. But she's more Family.
It's definitely a different kind of blog for me than from what I've done in the past.

Snowmageddon

It's been snowing ALL day. And I'm not talking about pretty snow falling from the sky, I'm talkin full on blizzard!! Snow was coming from all directions but from above!
Completely crazy!
My town as well as Stockholm got struck the worst I think, at least from what I understand from the News reports.
I was supposed to run some errands but that went to hell... well, in this case, Siberia.
Hopefully tomorrow it will be over.
It's kind of funny.. Sweden is practically North Pole, Snow happens EVERY year and STILL.. EVERY YEAR the whole country comes to a stand still when the first snow falls.
Traffic stops running, trains derail, traffic accidents. You name it.
You'd think that by now Sweden would be ready and prepared for the snow but No.
Same thing every year.

 

 

Pre and Post

Early night. Well.. it's 11pm but I usually don't get around to blog untill much, much later.
Spent the day with Sandra and Baby Molly. Now I'm at home having some alone time.
Isabelle and Cayenne went to bed an hr ago or so.
Isabelle has to get up early tomorrow and go nail her English test. I know she will do well.
This week as every week is packed with seeing my friends.
Yesteday I hung out with Bell, today and tomorrow I'm spending time with Sandra. And I'm also Skyping with Ana Banana from portugal tomorrow night. Thursday I've double booked Elin and Thea (will have to figure that out) and on Friday I'm spending time with my BFF, Saara :)
Spoke to Soph again last night. Hopefully will get some skype time with her this weekend.
Soph means the absolute world to me. I'm not even gonna try and expalain the situation.

I found myself going through pictures on my friends page on facebook.
Found a whole lot of me and her.
I found myself almost disgusted. I can't even stand to look at my self, pre Jordan war.
I was in such a dark place and so emotionally damaged that.. I just don't recognize my self in those pictures.
I am a completely different person now.
I don't know the girl in those pictures and I don't ever again wanna cross paths with her.
Everything that happened pre Jordan is stuff I am leaving behind me.
I live for now and the future. ´

Cheers for the future! 

Milk Heads

That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you're like...
"Ummmmm, no bitch!"

 

 

    

Pineapple

 

 

Just because you miss someone, doesn't mean you need them back in your life.

Missing is just a part of moving on.


 

Do not let the past define you

That is one of my favorite sayings.
Only problem I have with people saying this is, that most of the time, THEY let someones past define that person.
People change all the time, they grow and they learn from the mistakes that they do.
To judge someone for something they did in the past is not something that I would do, ESPECIALLY not if I was one of the people throwing that phrase around, and not having all the facts lined up.
What I'm saying is that, try not to live in the past.
Forgiveness is the best way to move on.
Don't assume that someone is the same as they were before.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

 

 

That's funny!

 

You make all the difference!

 

 

Let the Past be the Past.

Joyful!
Even tho Anxiety level has been HIGH this past week, I'm some how keeping my mood up and enjoying being back home with my friends.
As I said before, they are doing a really good job in paying attention to how I'm doing and helping out in any way they can. And I am SO grateful for that.
I know, they know that I am here for them too.
I've never felt so secured and grounded before.
They have, as I.. Left the past in the past and they are fully embracing the new, better and stronger me.

These past two days I've been hangin out with my college best friend, Isabell.
Bell and I are the typical "partners in crime" type of friends.
The stupid stuff we have done together are hilarious and we still, to this day, can spend hrs laughing at old stuff that we did.
Bell is now married with a baby on the way.
I am SO proud of the person that she has become and I could not me more thrilled for her.
I wasn't present at her wedding as I lived in Santa Monica, but I am REALLY glad to be here for her during this really wonderful time she has a head of her.
Baby Elliot is gonna be a GORGEOUS little boy with them two as parents!

Tomorrow I am watching baby Molly while Sandra runs some errands.
Baby Molly is such a funny little baby girl! She's definitely a character!
Sandras two step kids, Liam and Maja are awesome too! Really well behaved.

Friday can not come any faster.
My best friend, Saara messaged me asking if I wanted to come join her and baby Moa for "Fredags Mys". There's no proper or good way to translate that in to English, but in short, every friday we, the Swedish people have like, a movie night with snacks or something, play board games or something else that would be a relaxing and fun way to end a long week.
Saara just got engaged to her long time boyfriend that she has baby Moa with.
Am very very happy for the two of them and am VERY grateful to know her.
We met through another friends of mine that i used to work with.
Saara is one of the best people I know. I always laugh and have a good time with her and she is one of the FEW people that I can not get enough of.

Derek is now on my new facebook, that I am also grateful for.
Derek knows me in a different way from most of my other friends.
He once said that I am a lot like him. We just, get along really well and I talk to him about things that I may not wanna talk about to my other friends.
He has been a HUGE support for me this past year going trough my pregnancy, my miscarriage and getting over Jordan.
He doesn't judge me for my past or for what I did. He is just.. there and he is awesome.
I always make sure to meet up with him when I'm in Clifton, New Jersey.