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Sunday, July 20, 2014

Angelica

I have this one friend. Well.. I have a lot of friends. But this one friend in particular, she means a little extra much to me.
She's one of those people who's just.. There.
She will tell you what's up when you LEAST want to hear it but when you MOST of all NEED to hear it. She will never tell you want you want to hear if it's not what you need to hear.
Angelica and I have had our runs, fallen out of touch do to.. well, life and other misunderstandings.
We always find our way back to each other tho.
I guess.. cause we just get each other and in the end of the day, I know she will always want what's best for me, and I for her.
She was one out of two people who was really there for me after the whole Jordan situation went to hell and back.
She was one of two people who I openly talked about my pregnancy and miscarriage with when it happened.
She knew things that no one else did, and before other people did.
I was, and still am just.. so comfortable around her.
I don't see her as much as I would want.. But when we do get to spend some time together things are never anything less of a perfect time.
I truly truly love you my dear friend and I hope you know that I will always be here for you.
No matter what.
Life may pull us a part and we may not speak to each other for long periods of time, but when it's all said and done, I never ever want to wake up in a world where I know that you and I will never be friends again.



I love you.

xoxo


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Anxiety Delux

Anxiety struck like a motherf.. Triggerd last night so going on 26hrs now.. Faaaantastic.
I've been doing really good with anxiety these past few weeks but just as I think, hey.. I got this.. BAM! It hits me again. I wish it would just.. end and go away, and stay away.
Definitely is no worse feeling than Anxiety.
That feeling of.. "I hope I don't have to wake up tomorrow.. that it will all just be over... "
NOT a feeling I would even wish upon my worst enemy.
And I don't like taking my meds anymore.. I want to be able to handle, this on my own.. I want to be strong enough to handle this on my own.. But the fact of the matter is still that it IS a medical condition and no one would expect someone with asthma to just.. "handle it".
I don't know.. sometimes I just feel like.. No one gets it.

Spent this weekend out at Jennifers summer house. Full house out there as always.
I feel so, at home when I'm with Jenn and her family. They're so tight.
All of the million cousins, her mom, dad and aunt.
I love them all. I wish I had a family like that. Or a family at all for that matter. Never had one.

Gonna take my meds now and try and unwind.

Love to all.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

It's heeeereeee....!!!

It feels like I've been waiting for this forever!
I'm SO EXCITED over this. The boys are.. They're just.. *sigh*.. Fantastic!
I'm just so freakin grateful for all the happy moments with these guys.
Especially Christopher. He's awesome.. Always puts me in a happy mood.
Just thinking that if I would have never gone to see the Backstreet Boys (I know, that would never happen but just go with me on this one) this spring, I wouldn't have ever met these guys.
I love promoting them, helping Bama and Matt with little things when I'm asked.
Love keeping the fans hyped.. Cause as they say themselves.. If it wasn't for ExchangeEurope, and now also ExchangersUnited.com, the hype would have died a long time ago.
"Thank you for keeping the hype in Europe". You are so more than welcome.
I enjoy every second of it.
Even tho I've had some hiccups.. issues, with some fans that have gone far beyond "the line"... I still take the bad with all the good. Cause the grater part of all this is pure sunshine!
I hope, and think that these guys will be around for a long time to come and that I will get to share many more laughs and adventures with them.
Jamal, Christopher, Richard, Aaron and Alfredo.. and Of course, Bama and Matt.. Y'all are great.
Don't ever forget to have fun. Cause the second you do.. It will show.. and the magic that is you guys, The Exchange.. will be gone. LOVE you!




Don't forget to check out the video, share it with your friends on facebook and twitter.

Tell your neighbor, your teacher and your hamster about it to!




Thursday, July 3, 2014

It's been a.. strange day..

.. To say the least.

One could say that I have things going on in my life right now.
A bunch of things that I'd rather not have to deal with.
But such is life.. You deal with things on a daily basis that you rather not, but you do.. cause there is just no other way.

I answer hundreds of phone calls every day at work. Some are fun, some are less fun.
Customers with all different issues and requests. I treat them all differently, cause they are all.. different.
Today I answered the phone, just like every other day and a woman was on the other line.
She had me on speaker phone and she told me she had been doing the dishes while waiting for her call to be answered. She sounded happy and there was something really.. familiar about her.. comfortable if you will.
She proceeded to tell me her business and why she had called in and I went about my job, to help her.
She continues to talk and she's so friendly and funny.. one of those people you just instantly just.. love!
She asks out of the blue "You're a sensitive, aren't you?". As for you who don't know what a sensitive is, it's someone who senses "the other side". Dead people, or spirits. Call them what you want.
I answered her in some what of a surprised response that Yea.. I'm sort of sensitive to things like like.
I can sense things, but it's not like "I see dead people".
She tells me she knew it the second I picked up the phone.
She then continues to tell me that she is a sensitive and that she has "a man with her", from the other side.
She says he is connected to me. - "He is a tall man, very handsome. Do you have a man you know on the other side"
- Yes.. My dad, was a tall man. He would have been good looking cause he had kids with 4-5 different women.
- "Hmm.. I don't know, cause it doesn't feel like you would have a very close relationship to this man."
- Well that sounds about right as I never knew my dad. I never met him.
The woman laughs and says something a long the lines of "well that makes sense then, I guess I have you're dad here, he says congratulations"
Now I have no idea what that was for.. I have nothing to be congratulated for at the moment.. that I know of at least.. Maybe he knew something I don't.. yet?
She says - "I'm sorry, I'm gonna let you work, it's just that they are a talkative bunch of people I have with me here".
One.... Two... Three seconds passes and she starts talking again.
- "You have a girl sitting right behind you, a blonde girl".
I turn around to look who's behind me, even tho I already know who sits right behind me at work.
- Uhm... Yes... That would be Heidi!
Heidi is my best friend at work, we get along really well.
- "Tell her I said that she has a lot of bright spirit people, angels around her"
- ... Ok....
At this point I'm completely overwhelmed by her.
She again apologizes and tell me she's gonna let me do my job now.
One...Two...
- "I have you're grandmother here"
- MORMOR!! (Grandmother in Swedish) My mormor is the best!
- "She likes it that you said IS the best and not WAS the best"
- "Mormor wants you to know that everything is ok and that you need to let her go. You can't carry her around anymore."
- I have not let my mormor go yet, she was my world.
- "She knows this, but she doesn't want you to be sad, and mormor can't pass on as long as you hold on to her"
- ......
- "Mormor is showing me flowers which means "i love you" on the other side. She wants you to say hi to you're mother, she needs that"
Now.. My mother and I don't have a mother daughter relationship do to her putting me through hell as a child.. but I know my mother have been struggling lately with some decisions that had to be made.
- "It's really important to mormor that you tell you're mother, Hi"
- I will..
At this point I am crying. My mormor was my everything. My only family member. The only one I could go to when my mother was at her worst.. when i had not eaten in days or when I just needed.. someone.

When the call ended and I had to run out and burst in to tears.
I locked myself in the bathroom and just.. let it all out.
I was, and still am so overwhelmed by her.
There was many more aspects of this phone call, but things I'll rather not share.
I am so grateful to this woman for greeting me, being friendly and for sharing her gift with me.
It is something that I will never forget.
I am a firm believer in "the other side" and that we get visits from them, our loved ones, all the time.
I feel warm at heart by the thought of my mormor being with me.
Although I have felt her presence around me for many years.. This kind of.. sort of.. confirmed it, in a way. It was truly truly a special phonecall.

I hope you all are well out there.





xoxo