Friday night.
Have had a fantastic week so far and hopefully weekend will match it.
This week went by so fast I can't even understand it.
My thoughts and questions about drugs and substance abuse in general is still going on.
I guess the more I learn the more shit I discover.
NEVER EEEEVER underestimate my ability to find shit out. EVER.
I've always been like that. I just.. I don't know. I just.. know? And if I don't know.. I will find out.
Loyalty is key in friendship. And with being loyal I mean, trust, support, acceptance and so on.
When I lose trust in someone.. 99% of the time I will not be able to find it in that person again.
It's just ruined.
I have SERIOUS issues when it comes to substance abuse.
Obviously I don't mean that I use. I have a problem with other people around me using.
I went through hell as a child with my mother abusing me mentally and physically.
She was a hard core alcoholic and it resulted in me taking on all kinds of personality traits and disorders. I have worked trough and "gotten rid of" most.. many of these things, but it's gonna take YEARS before I can call myself "healthy".
My friends know how I feel about drugs in my "circle".
I am 100% against in. I will judge the shit out of you if I find out you are doing it.
Because well, I just don't see the point in it, and I don't understand it.
And also because it brings me back to my childhood and that scares the living crap out of me.
People whom I don't consider my friends, I don't bother with.
But the people who know me, call them selves my friends and choose to not tell me about the fact that they use. It's just.. Wrong!
YOU are taking away MY choice to not have shit like that in my life.
Egocentric & selfish are the two nicest words I would call you.
I made a choice to stay away from people and situations where drugs are involved.
And for someone to know my history, and take that choice away from me and walk all over it.
Well excuse my language.. but Fuck you.
stat
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Early morning thoughts
Early mornings is NOT my thing.
Ok if I had work or some other important thing I had to do.. But when my only obligation is work... in 9 hrs.. Waking up at 7 feels PRETTY annoying.
Looked out the window after I rolled out of bed to notice that fall is very much here and that I have to wait a whole year until summer time.. (minus 3 months).
Feels like forever!
Between now and then, I have things planned that hopefully will make time go by a Little faster.
I have a two week birthday trip to NYC/NJ and FL planned.
And Soph will be moving to Sweden in January which I am OVERLY excited about!
I haven't seen her for over a year now and It feels all kinds of not good.
On Sunday my love, the star, the wonderful Robin Stjernberg will be performing in my city!
Can't wait! He is such a wonderful guy!
I liked him before I met him, do to his extraordinary talent, but when I realized he had the personality to go with it, I was sold!
On a COMPLETELY different matter, there is a debate on abortions going on on my facebook.
What's your opinion on the matter?
What is ok and what is not ok?
Would LOVE to hear your thoughts on it.
LOVE
Ok if I had work or some other important thing I had to do.. But when my only obligation is work... in 9 hrs.. Waking up at 7 feels PRETTY annoying.
Looked out the window after I rolled out of bed to notice that fall is very much here and that I have to wait a whole year until summer time.. (minus 3 months).
Feels like forever!
Between now and then, I have things planned that hopefully will make time go by a Little faster.
I have a two week birthday trip to NYC/NJ and FL planned.
And Soph will be moving to Sweden in January which I am OVERLY excited about!
I haven't seen her for over a year now and It feels all kinds of not good.
On Sunday my love, the star, the wonderful Robin Stjernberg will be performing in my city!
Can't wait! He is such a wonderful guy!
I liked him before I met him, do to his extraordinary talent, but when I realized he had the personality to go with it, I was sold!
On a COMPLETELY different matter, there is a debate on abortions going on on my facebook.
What's your opinion on the matter?
What is ok and what is not ok?
Would LOVE to hear your thoughts on it.
LOVE
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Confused
So many thoughts tumbling around in my head right now.
I'm in a weird state of mind.
I like to know where i have people around me, yea i know.. Don't we all?
And yes, sure we might. But i'm probaby even more so than most people.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that i suffer from pretty bad anxiety.
I don't know and it's beside the fact.
I'm also one of those people who make connections to people and situations, strong connections.
I love people and their life stories.
And people who can teach me about things, become people i look up to.
I love knowing about things. Listning to people.
It's what i do, and who i am.
I never judge people based on their past.
I have a past too. And it's not a pretty one!
I've fucked up royaly, hurt people. So who would i be to pass judgement on someone else?
I just base my opinion on someone from who and where they are when i meet them.
Basically, my heart is very open to people and i trust with everything i am, makes it easy for me to get burned and/or hurt by people.
And right now.. I definitely have burned my self.
I don't wanna close my heart and get suspicious of people..
I'm in a weird state of mind.
I like to know where i have people around me, yea i know.. Don't we all?
And yes, sure we might. But i'm probaby even more so than most people.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that i suffer from pretty bad anxiety.
I don't know and it's beside the fact.
I'm also one of those people who make connections to people and situations, strong connections.
I love people and their life stories.
And people who can teach me about things, become people i look up to.
I love knowing about things. Listning to people.
It's what i do, and who i am.
I never judge people based on their past.
I have a past too. And it's not a pretty one!
I've fucked up royaly, hurt people. So who would i be to pass judgement on someone else?
I just base my opinion on someone from who and where they are when i meet them.
Basically, my heart is very open to people and i trust with everything i am, makes it easy for me to get burned and/or hurt by people.
And right now.. I definitely have burned my self.
I don't wanna close my heart and get suspicious of people..
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Mind fuck!!
I have seriously bad taste in men. No, really.
I know that to most of the people who know me, this will not come as any news.
You all have known this for years. But this one.. Yea.
I was fuckin blind sided!!
I could go on a rant about this but i won't.
Just wanna put it out there that you, sir.. Are an ASS!!
I know that to most of the people who know me, this will not come as any news.
You all have known this for years. But this one.. Yea.
I was fuckin blind sided!!
I could go on a rant about this but i won't.
Just wanna put it out there that you, sir.. Are an ASS!!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Forever a bad blogger..
But then again.. This blog was supposed to be for ME, not for anyones Entertainment.
I sometimes even regret the fact that I made it public.
It was much easier to write back when no one knew it existed.
But oh well, not much to do about that now.
Anyways, It's been a while since I updated and a lot has happened.
Since this is a positive blog I am not gonna update on any negativity so let's stick to happy feelings :)
First off, I've moved! Am now living with a FANTASTIC person.
Prior to moving here I only knew her through a friend and we had only met a handful of times.
Turns out we get a long PERFECTLY.
She compliments my personality like no one else and we have a lot of fun together.
She, and living here has contributed to me feeling and doing better than I have done in YEARS.
I am more smiley and happy and just generally more, harmonic?
On a different note, I got to sit down with someone and ask a lot of questions about drug abuse and just, substance abuse in general.
I in some ways, look up to this person.
I guess the main reason would be the fact that he knows A LOT on a subject that has basically covered and shaped my entire life and the person I am today.
The subject being something I know absolutely nothing about or can not understand it if my life depended on it.
So, I guess you could say I feel comfortable, around him.. as he is so... "in" it..?
It's a really weird feeling and hard to explain I guess.. but it's a good feeling.
And I stand in gratitude to him for explaining and educating me on the subject.
PROMISE to update again THIS week.
Love to all!
I sometimes even regret the fact that I made it public.
It was much easier to write back when no one knew it existed.
But oh well, not much to do about that now.
Anyways, It's been a while since I updated and a lot has happened.
Since this is a positive blog I am not gonna update on any negativity so let's stick to happy feelings :)
First off, I've moved! Am now living with a FANTASTIC person.
Prior to moving here I only knew her through a friend and we had only met a handful of times.
Turns out we get a long PERFECTLY.
She compliments my personality like no one else and we have a lot of fun together.
She, and living here has contributed to me feeling and doing better than I have done in YEARS.
I am more smiley and happy and just generally more, harmonic?
On a different note, I got to sit down with someone and ask a lot of questions about drug abuse and just, substance abuse in general.
I in some ways, look up to this person.
I guess the main reason would be the fact that he knows A LOT on a subject that has basically covered and shaped my entire life and the person I am today.
The subject being something I know absolutely nothing about or can not understand it if my life depended on it.
So, I guess you could say I feel comfortable, around him.. as he is so... "in" it..?
It's a really weird feeling and hard to explain I guess.. but it's a good feeling.
And I stand in gratitude to him for explaining and educating me on the subject.
PROMISE to update again THIS week.
Love to all!
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