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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

You Think you know, but you have NO idea!

The happiness that overflows me is something I will never be able to explain.
It is thanks to these guys that I made it through my childhood.
Forever grateful!





Like it was even a question

So Ryan Seacrest had a competition on his website.. Or I guess it was more of a battle.
The best boyband of all time was gonna be voted by the fans.
In the final round it was set between My guys, The Backstreet Boy, One direction and The Jonas brothers. And the winner is....


Just goes to show that sticking around and being loyal to your fans for 20 years, pays off!

Love!





Ka-Pow!

So.. A lot has been on my mind this week.. And mind you, it's only wednesday.
I have learned the hard way to be cautious about whom I trust and let in to my heart.
I've been backstabbed more times than I can count. I just always want to believe the best in people.
I've hurt people too.. but never with the intention to be crule.. never. I just.. didn't see.
And I have learned from it. And changed my ways.
I had lunch with a friend whom I consider one of the best people on this planet.
She always helps when she can, and even tries to help when all she should be doing, is focusing on herself.
When we get talking, we a lot of times end up talking about pretty deep and serious things.
She told me that she had "friend troubles".
When she explained to me why and what it was.. I did't even know how to respond.
And, I guess I still don't cause it's just that upsetting.
I don't understand, how people who has the honor to be friends with this person, knowingly.. hurts her.
There are not many people like her out there and we, everyone.. we need to look after these few amazing people and nourish them.
Not hurt them and ruin them for everyone else.
It really breaks my heart.
She is going through things of her own at the moment, and I am doing my best to keep her positive towards the future and I try to make her smile when I can.. and for other people to bring more drama her way.. It just..
It makes me want to punch them. Sorry.. Not sorry.
I guess.. I just don't understand how people think?
What they think gives them the right to the things they do..
And if they ever wonder how they would feel if they were the people they were hurting?

I have another friend.. Someone who is even closer to me.. She has also been burned, badly.
Her and I have been friends for about 3 years now.. and I still haven't been able to knock her wall down..
Yet I know where I have her and I feel secure in our friendship.
Her family... They are extremly protective of her do to what happened to her in her past friendship.
Sure, mine and her friendship and situation is very similar to the one she had with the person that burned her.
But I would never. NEVER do to her what this other person did. I don't understand how anyone can.. But obviously it did happen..
The fact that my friend again puts her self in the situation where the same thing could happen again..
Is to me a HUGE sign of character.
I love her dearly and I will always do my best to every day, be a person that maybe one day.. she will let her wall down for.


 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Watch!

So, I'm a big girl. Have been all my life.
Never really gave a shit cause I've always been happy with myself and it has not bothered me.
But I've gained 5 kilos since I got back to Sweden. No bueno.
So my roomie and I have decided that starting feb, we are going all in and we're gonna start losing those kilos. I have a goal, and thats 30 kilos by the end of July!
That is about 1kilo/week and that is completely doable.
Been starting a little with cutting down on sugar and switching the Pasta and Potatos for veggies.
I'm a big spinach fan so I've been eating a lot of that.
I'm really ready to do this and I am GONNA make it!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Countdown is on!

So yesterday I woke up to some AWESOME news.
The kind of news I wish I could wake up to every morning.
I haven't mentioned this is the blog before do to the fact that the brother of someone whom I have history with, checks this blog for some reason every now and then.
So I try to be careful about what I write.
Even tho it is non of his or anyone elses business what i write in MY blog.
But out of respect to the person whom I have history with, I try and keep private things out of here.
Anyways, back to the subject.
I haven't mentioned or posted anything about the fact that I am a HUGE Backstreet boys fan.
- Yes! Hand on my heart.
I have been a devoted and loyal fan since I was 11yrs old, I'll be 29 soon.
So thats quite an amount of time.
Anyways.. The news I woke up to was that they, the backstreet boys are about to go on tour again.
- Freakin-awesome!
I haven't seen the boys on tour since 2008 when me and my good friend, Jennifer went on tour with them. We Traveled all around Scandinavia and in the UK.
After that I have missed two, TWO tours!
2009 I moved to the US, they started touring Europe, I move back to Europe, they start touring the US. 2011 I'm still living in Europe, they again go on tour in the US.
2012 I move back to the US... what happens.....? They go on tour in Europe.
- Da Fuq!! Not cool, really not cool.
So anyways. Now I am back in Europe and they are about to go on tour again.
So there is no-way-in-hell I am going ANYWHERE untill I have seen them again.

Now, 90% of my good friends that I have now, are friends whom have never seen the "backstreet side of me". I have not been an active fan for as long as they have known me.
So with that said, they are about to see a COMPLETELY different side of me.
Backstreet world is my happy place.
The place I go to when I need to escape from reality and life a little bit and just, be happy!
They bring me SO much joy.
As my friend Jennifer said yesterday, "Happiness only a Backstreet fan will understand."
Nowdays I can't say that I listen a lot to their music.
It is more about my childhood and my history with them. It is a safe place.
A place I have known for the majority of my life.
So it goes way beyond music with them.

I am writing about this as it is what is going on in my life at the moment.
As everything else that I write about. (I don't know why I said that?)
Anyways.. For whom ever is following my blog;
- Beware! There will be some talk about the boys in my blog for a while. 




Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Man in my life

Just got done watching "The Carrie Diaries". I am completely sold.
As a branch in the Sex and the city franchise, It is not ok, by a long shot.
But as a show, it is really good.
I found myself wanting more after the first episode was done, and waiting a whole week for episode 2, is not something I'm looking forward too!

I love sex and the city for a lot of reasons. New York is one of them.
I completely get where Carrie is coming from when she rants about the City.
There is no place in the world that I love more than Manhattan.
I've been to Manhattan 3 times in one year. Halloween, My birthday in may, and halloween again.
I really wanna make it a thing to find myself on Manhattan atleast ones every year, preferably Halloween. It just feels like home to me. I find my way around without trouble. The City has a pulse that I can keep up with without stressing out And last but not least, New Jersey and Clifton is really close by so I would be able to see my friends a lot.
I have SO many memories from New York. Good and not so good.
I don't wanna say bad cause I don't regret anything that happened while visiting NY & NJ.
I am free and happy on Manhattan and some day I hope I can bring my best friends with me and show them what it's all about.




Tuesday, January 15, 2013

All over

Skyped last night with my mentor and soul sister, Sophia.
She always brings me peace of mind. I could probably go on a rant about her and fill a whole blog entry about how she helped me find my way. But I won't :)
Love her to death.

Am waiting for my new extentions to get here.
Have had short hair now for about a month, and it freakin SUCKS!!
But sooooon I will have long pretty hair again.

It's snowing outside again.
Love it when it's snowing and I don't have to go outside.
It's so pretty.
I love my country and all the nature that's around me.
I like Santa Monica too.. But....!
I'm definitely more of a big busy town girl.
Next time I move somewhere in US it will definitely be East Coast.
The best part about East coast, is the different seasons.
LA has one season... Summer. Pretty much.
I want the different colours of the fall, the snow in winter time and the gorgeous spring time.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Psssh...!

 
 
 
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends talk
To my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Like ever...
 
 

 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

There it is!!

I found my smile!
It's been missing for about a week now but just like that, it hit me!
Im sitting here listning to Jordan Knight, Demi Lovato and Taylow Swift and just, glowing with positive energy!
It's a GREAT feeling and I am thankful I found my happy place again!
Grateful to have my glow back in time for my friends to need me.
Have 2'two friends who's going through some things right now, and I have positivity enough to cover the tree of us. I am gonna hold on to this feeling like nothing else.
Like attracts like and I want more!

HappyThankYouMorePlease!!


Everyday

Coming to terms with the feeling of betrayal and abandonment is not an easy task.
Especially not when its fresh and when it hits you with no explanation.
I am still working on this and I am starting to come to terms with it, but there's still a lot of resentment towards that person. I don't think I'll ever get passed that.
And to be honest, I don't think I have to either.
Friends will come and friends will go. I learned that the hard way.

I've had a rough patch for a few days now. Falling a little behind and been struggling with myself.
Had to txt my roomie and apologize for being.. "off".
She responded that she had not noticed anything "off" with me and that I had no reason to apologize.
That felt so good to hear. I don't want my "off" perionds to effect anyone around me.
They are my rough times and they should not have to be someone elses bad mood.
I love my roomie and her daughter. We're like a little family.
I am starting to feel safe here and thats an awesome and rare feeling with me.
Same goes with my BFF, Saara.
I LOVE spending time with her and she makes my days a little brighter. A lot brighter.
Saara and her fiancé have pretty much become a part of my every day.
So much so that not even her fiancé realizes how much time me and Saara actually spend together.
When Saara and I hang out, we don't even really do anything, we chit-chat, play monopolly and watch movies. No need to go out and party or things like that.. we just.. are! So comfortable.
I love her to death and she's one of the best things that ever happened to me. By far.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Monopoly Night

 
PLUS

 
=


 




Overcoming

I'm gonna start hitting ACA work again. Hard core.
I've been slipping a little and I find myself in a fall back.
It's only these passed few days that I've fallen back. I was doing really well.
I guess we all have our up's and down's. It's REALLY important to me to keep pushing and working on myself. I don't wanna wake up in a world where I am back where I started.
Had a chat with my mentor earlier today and she comfirmed everything I was feeling.
She said that when it happens to her, when she has a "fall back", it almost feels like we have to get over the person/situation all over again. That is exactly what I feel like and it's really freaking me out.
All the work this past year and a half has not exactly been easy. Especially not these past 8 months, counting after I got over Jordan.
I know that I have years of theraphy and work to do on my self, and it won't be easy.
But I am a survivour and I will overcome.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take,
relationships we were too afraid to have,
and the decisions we waited too long to make.

HappyThankYouMorePlease

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012 - 2013

The year of HappyThankYouMorePlease.
2012 is the year of my life and I hope that 2013 brings me just as much joy as 2012 did. If not more.
I have met people that have forever changed my life for the better and I am happier, stronger and more secure in myself now than I have ever been.
I wish all of you a happy new year!
Today is the first blank page of 365 days, write a good one!






 

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Happy Birthday BFF

Been spending a whole lot of time with my best friend, Saara.
We have become closer than ever. I love her to death and I would not be the same happy person without her. She is one of the main reasons to why I'm doing so good away from Soph.
Soph was my corner stone living in Santa Monica.
She made everything make sense and she taught me things about my self I would have never learned if it wasn't for her.
Saara is now the person who makes me want to keep pushing.
She keeps me happy and joyful, something I find VERY useful in my struggles.
I love her dearly and I am SOOOO grateful to have her in my life!
Saaras birthday was yesterday and along with that she has a birthday party.
I spent the WHOLE day at her place, helping out prepping and also of course, celebrating her on her day.




The Elite

    Visiting Jennifer


A Happy Christmas

And then it was Christmas.
I can for sure say this has been one of the best Christmas holidays in years.
It's not every year I get to celebrate Christmas, so each time I do I am extra grateful!
I spent Christmas with my beautiful friend, Nadja and her family.
I have known Nadja for years. We don't hang out that much, but she is someone I keep very close to my heart as she is one of the best people I know.
For Christmas, Nadja gave me a gift box with 10 different nail polishes and also a gift card to my favorite store. As I am an open Nailpolish junky, the gift was VERY appreciated.
I also got to dress up as Santa and embarrass myself infron of her whole family.
Later on Christmas day I went over to my good friend, Annas house where we played games and such. My body decided it was gonna act up and I had to make it an early night.
All in all a very nice Christmas spent with good people.
time. Maybe years!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Gratefulness

My wonderful beautiful friends.
So many of them going through rough times right now. It truly breaks my heart.
Friends seperating from their husbands, fiancés and boyfriends. And all of them have children between them. I am doing my very best to be there for them and help out in every way that I can.
If it's watching the kids while they sort out whatever they have to do, or just lend an ear when they need to talk. Don't really matter as long as it helps make things easier for them in some way.
It's sad that good people have to go through things like this.
I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, so if bad things were to happen to me, it would probaby just be Karma.. But for bad things to happen to them.. Just not fair.
I really have to remember to put some ME time aside in all this.
I can't be there for them if I don't make sure I'm there for me.
One of the best things anyone ever said to be was; "You should be the most inportant person to you".
That sentence helped me in so many ways.
One of the major things that happened when that was said to me way, I let go of J.
Almost instantly. And that is probaby the best thing that ever happened to me.
I will always be grateful to D for that comment. Always.
 
Also grateful to have somewhere to spend Christmas this year.
It wasn't looking good for a long time, but a good friend invited me to spend it with her and her family. The thought of not celebrating Christmas is not a big deal to me. It's the thought of spending it alone that makes me sad. Knowing that everyone else I know is with their families and I'm at home alone. Been really blessed these last few years having friends who have invited me to celebrate with them. It wasn't always like that.

 
 
 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

It makes sense

One of those days that you're just grateful for.
Haven't done much, but it's been on going and full of positive energy.
Started out spending 3 days with Sandra and baby Molly. I love spending time with them.
Its just simple and relaxed. Isabelle picked me up and we went out to a mall area that's located a little out of town. We did some Christmas shopping before it was time for me to head over to Dorotheas place.
I am babysitting her kids tonight while she is at a gig and her hubby and his friends at the movies.
When it comes to her kids, I LOVE spending time with them. They are 3 GORGEOUS well behaved kids and they are always a joy to be around and they never cause any trouble for me when I watch them.
Alvin, the youngest.. I have a special bond with him.
I've been with him since he was born while I missed out on over a year with the twins while I lived in the US. Sure, I've been away living in the US now for a year, but when I left for the US, Alvin was old enough to know me and remember me when I got back.
With the twins, I left while they were still babies so it was impossible for them to remember me when I got back. No matter what, I adore these kids and I will always be happy to babysit them.


Am right now havin some "Me time". Watchin TV while having a glass of red wine.
It's moments like these that makes all the struggles SO worth pushing trough.
Happy and content with my situation and with the person I have become.
I have a new found tolerance for situations and people in which I had little to no tolerance for before my therapy and recovery. I just, see things and people in a different light.
I have an understanding in people in a way I didn't before.


Another thing is something that has struck a chord with me.
Something I can not in anyway, no matter what, understand.. Is when people hurt another on purpose.
My heart is absolutely breaking for a friend of mine who is going trough some things right now.
She has my full on support and help should she need it. It just hurts my heart when such a good hearted and selfless person, gets stepped on. There are not many like her out there.
Treat people like you would like them to treat you.