Working 9-5

Hi Lovers!!

Sorry for the, yet again.. MIA.
I've just been busy being happy and alive.. (the later mentioned would be pretty obvious)
Anyways, A lot has been going on since I last updated - I HAVE A FULL TIME JOB NOW!
Uhu, FINALLY.. it only took me a year but after rain there is always, always sunshine and as long as I remember that and keep that in focus, I can pretty much push trough any situation.
Job doesn't may as much as I would like to.. but its still over 3 times the amount of the last place I worked at, so I'm def not complaining.
Plus, one of the perks with this job is a brand new Iphone 5S. Thank you!

Sophia, the most important person in my life has FINALLY arrived in Sweded after almost 9 months of waiting.
I have yet to meet up to her do to work and her school stuff.. But next friday, FINALLY!!
It's "only" been a year and a half.. No biggie...!

Another thing is that, as you all know.. I'm a devoted and loyal Backstreet Boys fan and it is now just about tour time again!
I haven't seen them on tour since 2008 do to moving back and forth between Sweden and the US so this will be EPIC!!
It's gonna be sad and different now that we don't have Q around.. But I'm sure, if anything.. in his honor.. we will have fun!


Gotta get some work done now, Hopefully won't be TOOO long till i write again!

LOVE

Uuuugh!!

You know what annoys me more than probably anything else in the world. Grownups.
And I don't mean the ones that have their shit together.
I mean the arrogant, childish, judgemental ASSHOLES.
SO ANNOYING!!!
Am on my lunch break at work, and I didn't go to lunch with the rest of the gang because, well.. I'm annoyed as fuck and I'm not the type of person that spreads this kind of energy around.
I'll rather just hang out by my self, try and cool off and chill untill lunch is over.
I'm just not having it today.
Am SO ready for this week to be over now so I can sleep during the weekend, start on fresh on monday and then next weekend off to Stockholm.
I CAN NOT WAIT to get some space between me and this city.

So yea, I have been MIA for a while now and it's do to me working again.
Full time job won't leve me much time for blogging.
And even if it did.. I get up between 4-5am so when I get home from work.. The LAST thing I feel like doing is getting on here and telling ya'll how my day was.
Sorry.. I'm just WAY to tired for that.

Anyways, I'm gonna just, not.. cause I don't use this blog for negativity.. But we all have our days.

Ciao!

Gratefulness

It's raining outside.
It's beginning of January and It's raining.. Sweden is practically north pole, It should be about -20F (-20-25C). Something is seriously wrong with the climate.
Tho I hear North Western states in the US are in what they're calling a "polar vortex".
How do they have colder weather than we do?? Madness!

In other news, I signed the contract for my new job today.
Felt REAL good. I will be making about 5 times the money from what I do now.
MUCH needed money.
It will be very needed for my New York trip in may.
I can't wait to start work tomorrow.
This new year have been good to me so far. I'm really truly looking forward to all fun stuff that will be 2014. Looking to make AT LEAST two trips to the US, first East coast then East & West coast.
Gonna cram in FL on one of those trips also, I REALLY miss my FL family. Can not believe it's been 15 years!

Later today one of my BEST friends in the world, Elin is coming over for some quality time.
We usually try to see each other ones every week, but do to the holidays and everything I haven't seen her in almost a month now, which is NOT something I'm happy about.
Elin is one of those wonderful people that has a heart made of gold.
I've NEVER heard her say a bad word about anyone and she is SO important to me.
She keeps me strong and motivated on where I need to be and whom I need to be and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life. Truly.

Old, OLD picture

Show Love

Band Page

Picture Update

US, Greens and Alcohol.

I'm in a good state of mind today. Well.. if you don't count the fact that I'm hungover like a baws!
I went home early last night and was in bed around 1am.
Forgot to drink water.. hence the hangover.

Other than that, I'm pretty good.
Just got off a skype session with my dear friend and old neighbor from Baltimore, Louise and her daughter Nina.
It's been ages since I last saw them and a visit to my old hometown is way over do.
Def making that trip in may when I'm back in New York, even if It's just over day.

Spent last night with my long time friend, Nadja.
We had planned a night out, but since I'm such an amateur drinker, I went home early, like I said.
Ran in to two old colleagues while out, also. Always good to see familiar faces.
This was also my last hurrah before my trip to NY/NJ/MD in may.
No more alcohol. Until then.
Also gonna cut out 90% of all animal protein from my diet. Permanently.
Only with the exception of a glass of milk every now and then, and eggs.
Gonna go all in to reach my goal weight before my trip.

Watch me.

Alcohol

Alcohol.. That popular liquid that ruined my life and so many others.
I'm a text book ACA (Aduld children of Alcoholics).
Personally I have a healthy relationship to alcohol, when it comes to my own intake.
But I am VERY uncomfortable being around other people whom I don't know, when they're drinking, or are drunk.
I just can't relax.
Alcohol scares the living *PEEEP* out of me. It ruins SO many people. Good people.
And it's SO easy to get stuck.. cause the road to alcoholism seams to be really fun.
Getting drunk, partying with friends every night.. Before you know it.. You're stuck.
I drink maybe 1-2 times every month.. Sometimes more.. But then it's birthdays and/or other celebrations on the same month.
And even when I drink.. I don't get "hammered". I HATE not being in control of myself.
I'm not a control freak.. But around alcohol, i like to be aware of my surroundings.
I don't think that's weird. Do you?

Anyways.. This is just something that was on my mind this morning.
I hope you all are doing well, and that you are looking  after yourselves.
Cause truly.. At the end of the day.. You are the only person who has to live with yourself for the rest of your life.. Be safe. And be cautious.

Textures Of Lions

Ok lovers!
You all know I love music. It's the main reason why I've studied Media and Journalism.
I want to write about music, promote music and so on.
Some of you have me on facebook, and you've seen me post about this band before, but I thought I'd give them a mention here also.
Check them out, give them a listen, and if you like them, show them some love on their facebook page LINK. Music, HERE.

Go Go Go!

Guest Entry - New Year, New Us…

Wow!! So where do I begin. 

First off, I want to thank Lindah for inviting me to write on her blog. 

I feel very honored so thank you love!

For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Lana and I live in Upstate NY, about 3 hours or so away from the BIG CITY that Lindah love so much as do I! 

There isn’t much to do here in good ol’ Albany  since in my opinion its so small and everyone knows everyone else. That’s brings me to what Im here for.

A NEW YEAR, A NEW US!! 

Yes I said it!! 2013 has been a years of ups and downs for me. More downs then ups but I like to remember the good times vs the bad times to keep me motivated and going. All you can do is learn from your experiences and move forward from them right? That’s why I cannot wait for 2014 to begin. A new year, new changes in my life and be FINALLY moving forward. 

Aaaahhh cannot wait!! This is going to be a year for me to remember, I can feel it! 

BRING ON THE CHANGES!! I’m so ready for it!

I cannot wait for March to come. Im going overseas for the first time to Stockholm, Sweden to see my BOYS. 

Yes I LOVE BSB too. Hardcore fan here!  

And of course while I'm there I will be hanging with Lindah and I cannot wait to see her. 

I met her at the Mixtape Festival back in August 2012 and I loved that girl from the moment I saw her and talked to her. She is AMAZING I must say. 

I have to admit I am kind of nervous about heading overseas for the first time but I know I will be okay. 

Ahhh!! Just thinking about it makes me super excited!!

Look at the time, its 6:41am here and I have to get ready for work. 

Wish I could write more but I have to get my butt in gear and start the day!

Happy New Year Everyone!! Here is to a better us in 2014!

Lana 

MIA

Stockholm bound! 

I will give you all an update as soon as there's time! 

Hope you all are enjoying the holidays and each other!  

Christmas Picture Update

Never mind what people say cause they don't understand

That time when you wake up at 4:30 am and can not fall back asleep.

I'm restless and at the same time I don't wanna do crap.

Stuck in a gray zone I guess.

No hugs, No kisses

It's been a rough weekend.
For me, for millions of Backstreet Boys fans all around the world, for the Backstreet Boys, and for the family and friends of one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure to meet.
John "Q" Elgani passed away on Friday morning in his home in FL. The day before his 41st birthday.
Q is.. Was, one of the original Security guards working for the BSB.
He was there from the start and we, the fans have been blessed to have had him with us along the ride on and off since then.
He has become somewhat like the 6th member of the Backstreet Boys.
Spending at times, more time with us than what the boys do.
Always polite and always with a smile on his face.
Q was known for his wonderful ability to light up a room.
You'd notice him. If you didn't see him right away, you could hear him.
He was very much like a friend.
On his last visit to Sweden, only about 5-6 weeks ago.. I definitely connected with him.
He complimented me, in pure shock, on the changes I've done to myself in regards to my weight loss.
He motivated me to better myself further, and also complimented me on looking good NOW.
I truly truly enjoyed him and liked him as one of my close and personal friends.
For so many reasons.

Q leaves behind his wonderful wife, Angela who is pregnant with a little girl that will be their first child together. His three sons and other close family members.
I will be mourning Q along side millions of other BSB fans all around the world.
My love and support goes out to Q's family, friends and the Backstreet Boys at this tough time.

Feel Good

Boys!

It's kind of strange.. When I was 80lbs heavier, I was always crushing on someone.

Now when I'm loosing weight, getting healthy.. There's no one on my radar.

I'm just liking boys in general at the moment. 

I've been enjoying going out, partying and having fun with friends.

It's like a whole new world has opened up now.

More clothes to chose from as I'm not restricted to the "plus size" clothes anymore. 

And do to that.. I actually ENJOY getting dressed up!

I feel pretty! It's a new feeling to me, different.. But good!

I have a totally different mind set towards life now than from what I used to have. 

I'm liking and enjoying myself for the first time in my life and I'm so SO grateful!

Stuck in my head

 

 

 

Pages
Between us
Written with no end.
So many words we're not saying.
Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone.
You make me strong.

I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."
But I don't care,
I'm not scared of love.
'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker.
Is that so wrong?
Is it so wrong
That you make me strong?

 

 

 

Wrecking Ball



 

 

 

I saw a picture of him today.

To you it would look like any other picture of any other guy..

But to me.. It was HIM.

He had that really discrete smile on his face.. That smile that I always used to say I loved!

It was a new picture.

He looked good. In many ways.

He looked happy and healthy.. Which to me are the two most important things I want for him in life.

It comes and goes.. But it truly hit me like a ton of bricks with that picture.

He still holds my heart.

I'm not in love with him.

But I truly do love him still..

After all this time..

I still do

And I always,

Always will..

 

 

 

 

 

 



Sometimes what you want most is what you're best without.

Three straight days of partying now done.
That's more than I usually party in a whole month!
I wish I could say that it'll be a while before I party again.. But with Christmas and New Years coming up.. We all know that won't happen.

I am getting a little more excited over my coming NY & NJ trip in may.
Last night I spoke to my favorite person in the world, Derek and he assured me that we will meet up as always when I get there.
That made me look forward to my trip more than what I did a few days ago.
I love Derek to death! He is such a good guy and I'm SO grateful that I still have him in my life.
I'm really looking forward to seeing D again.. Introduce him to the new me.
Can't wait!

Randomness

You know when you're nice to a person of the opposite sex, show them appreciation and you give them attention, talk warmly about them and so on.
Just simply cause you like the person.. not like, like.. but.. like them.. as people.
You understand? And it gets confused for something else. That you actually LIKE them, or have a crush on them or something a long the lines of that.
It's frustrating.. Cause it has a tendency to ruin a relationship with that person. And you end up not talking to that person you thought so highly of.
Sad..
Just a random thought I had in my head just now. It happens.
Something like that ever happen to you?

I just got back from a short but fun evening out with my good friend Isabelle.
Her friends where I town performing at the local nightclub.
We always go see them when they're in town, and this time was no different.

Tomorrow I'm invited to a party at a friends house.
Looking forward to it.
But for now.. Bed!

Night lovers!

A New York State Of Mind.

Wednesday.
Home alone tonight. Sister is out of town.. She pops of to go to Stockholm every other weekend or so. Just like me!
Anna and I just booked my birthday trip to NY/NJ.
I thought I'd be more excited than this to be honest.
I'm kind of.. blank, about it?
I think.. after all the history I have in Jersey.. It's become toxic to me.
A lot of memories that I hold so close to my heart, yet they are memories that needs to be kept away from me.. It's hard to explain.
But it all comes down to the fact that, Jordan is in Jersey.
New York and New Jersey sounds like SUCH a good idea and I LOVE New York. It's my favorite place in the world. And I love Jersey to. So much.. It's like home to me.
I think I just need to revisit that place and make new memories.
And make it that place of happiness that it used be, to me.
I need to connect to the city and to Jersey as the person I am today, and not be stuck in the memories as the person I used to be.
I'm not gonna lie.. I'm a bit anxious to go back.
Although I've been back 3 or 4 times since I last saw Jordan.. That feeling just never goes away.
I don't know how I would react if I ever saw him again.
I mean.. I'm definitely a different person now. A better person now.
What I did to Jordan I will never be able to take back or fix. And I know this.
But if I ever was to see him again. I hope that he would be able to see the person I am today, rather than the sick, broken person I used to be.
I think he would like the person I am today. I know I do.

 

 

 

 ♥

 

 

Returning to New Jersey & New York as this person!

Out with the old, In with the new!

 

 

On a positive note

Wow, so much has happened since I last wrote here!
Only good things tho.. IF you don't count the fact that I'm down with the stomach flue.
But in the grater picture of it all.. It's nothing!

At the end of last month, my favorite boys in the world, the Backstreet Boys visited Sweden.
It's definitely been a whole while since their last visit.
I haven't met the boys since last summer, at the mixtape festival in PA. I've changed A WHOLE LOT since then.
It was an intense visit. They were only here for about 36hrs.
But we, our team.. Definitely got everything out of it that we wanted.
Let's just say we got more out of their visit than any other fans in Sweden. I'll just leave it at that!

Around the same time as this, actually, the day before they showed up.. I FINALLY got to move in to my apartment.
MY apartment! I live here under MY rules. It's definitely been a while.
I have my sister living with me also. But we compromise on everything and I don't feel at all that she or I are in the way of each other in any situation.
I'm sure we are gonna fight along the way.. But we are sisters, it's what we do.
But the good thing with sisters.. we always make up!

Two weeks ago, (dare I almost call him friend now? I see him as somewhere in between a "celebrity" that I admire, and as my friend.) Chris Medina visited Stockholm.
We have been talking on line and staying in touch for just about two years now and there are very few people in this world that I look up to and admire as much as I do with him.
His story and everything that he is, gives me hope.
He is such a genuine person.
It shines through just looking at him.
He is an amazing artist and I'm truly truly honored to have had the pleasure to stay in touch with him for all this time.

As of right now, I'm decked out in bed, stomach is feeling a lot better, but I dare not to go out and "live life" just yet. Wanna be cleared by Friday as I'm going out with a few friends!
I was supposed to have my good friend Anna come visit this weekend.
But she has hurt hew knee pretty badly and can't get here from Stockholm do to that soooo.. I guess getting drunk is my plan B? :)
Anna and I will be booking my birthday trip to New York/New Jersey tomorrow.
I can not wait to get back to my favorite city in the world!
It's been over a year now and this is the longest I've ever been away from the city since I first started going there back in 2009!
I  miss my wonderful friends in New York & New Jersey.
This is where you all are thinking; She's talking about Jordan.
But ya'll are wrong. First of all, I was more referring to Derek.
Second of all.. Jordan and I are not friends so I couldn't be referring to him as a friend, could I? :)
I also am looking forward and hoping to see my New York friend, Lana.
Haven't seen her either since the mixtape festival.
Also hoping to see Mary from Jersey..
I guess there's a few people I wanna meet up with! But most of all.. I am looking forward to seeing the Man in my life, the one and only.. Man-hattan!