Ok lovers!
You all know I love music. It's the main reason why I've studied Media and Journalism.
I want to write about music, promote music and so on.
Some of you have me on facebook, and you've seen me post about this band before, but I thought I'd give them a mention here also.
Check them out, give them a listen, and if you like them, show them some love on their facebook page LINK. Music, HERE.
Go Go Go!
stat
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Guest Entry - New Year, New Us…
Wow!! So where do I begin.
First off, I want to thank Lindah
for inviting me to write on her blog.
I feel very honored so thank you love!
For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Lana and I
live in Upstate NY, about 3 hours or so away from the BIG CITY that Lindah love
so much as do I!
There isn’t much to do here in good ol’ Albany since in my opinion its so small and everyone
knows everyone else. That’s brings me to what Im here for.
A NEW YEAR, A NEW US!!
Yes I said it!! 2013 has been a years
of ups and downs for me. More downs then ups but I like to remember the good
times vs the bad times to keep me motivated and going. All you can do is learn
from your experiences and move forward from them right? That’s why I cannot
wait for 2014 to begin. A new year, new changes in my life and be FINALLY
moving forward.
Aaaahhh cannot wait!! This is going to be a year for me to
remember, I can feel it!
BRING ON THE CHANGES!! I’m so ready for it!
I cannot wait for March to come. Im going overseas for the
first time to Stockholm, Sweden to see my BOYS.
Yes I LOVE BSB too. Hardcore
fan here!
And of course while I'm
there I will be hanging with Lindah and I cannot wait to see her.
I met her at
the Mixtape Festival back in August 2012 and I loved that girl from the moment
I saw her and talked to her. She is AMAZING I must say.
I have to admit I am kind of nervous about
heading overseas for the first time but I know I will be okay.
Ahhh!! Just
thinking about it makes me super excited!!
Look at the time, its 6:41am here and I have to get ready for
work.
Wish I could write more but I have to get my butt in gear and start the
day!
Happy New Year Everyone!! Here is to a better us in 2014!
Lana
Sunday, December 29, 2013
MIA
Stockholm bound!
I will give you all an update as soon as there's time!
Hope you all are enjoying the holidays and each other!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Never mind what people say cause they don't understand
That time when you wake up at 4:30 am and can not fall back asleep.
I'm restless and at the same time I don't wanna do crap.
Stuck in a gray zone I guess.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
No hugs, No kisses
It's been a rough weekend.
For me, for millions of Backstreet Boys fans all around the world, for the Backstreet Boys, and for the family and friends of one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure to meet.
John "Q" Elgani passed away on Friday morning in his home in FL. The day before his 41st birthday.
Q is.. Was, one of the original Security guards working for the BSB.
He was there from the start and we, the fans have been blessed to have had him with us along the ride on and off since then.
He has become somewhat like the 6th member of the Backstreet Boys.
Spending at times, more time with us than what the boys do.
Always polite and always with a smile on his face.
Q was known for his wonderful ability to light up a room.
You'd notice him. If you didn't see him right away, you could hear him.
He was very much like a friend.
On his last visit to Sweden, only about 5-6 weeks ago.. I definitely connected with him.
He complimented me, in pure shock, on the changes I've done to myself in regards to my weight loss.
He motivated me to better myself further, and also complimented me on looking good NOW.
I truly truly enjoyed him and liked him as one of my close and personal friends.
For so many reasons.
Q leaves behind his wonderful wife, Angela who is pregnant with a little girl that will be their first child together. His three sons and other close family members.
I will be mourning Q along side millions of other BSB fans all around the world.
My love and support goes out to Q's family, friends and the Backstreet Boys at this tough time.
For me, for millions of Backstreet Boys fans all around the world, for the Backstreet Boys, and for the family and friends of one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure to meet.
John "Q" Elgani passed away on Friday morning in his home in FL. The day before his 41st birthday.
Q is.. Was, one of the original Security guards working for the BSB.
He was there from the start and we, the fans have been blessed to have had him with us along the ride on and off since then.
He has become somewhat like the 6th member of the Backstreet Boys.
Spending at times, more time with us than what the boys do.
Always polite and always with a smile on his face.
Q was known for his wonderful ability to light up a room.
You'd notice him. If you didn't see him right away, you could hear him.
He was very much like a friend.
On his last visit to Sweden, only about 5-6 weeks ago.. I definitely connected with him.
He complimented me, in pure shock, on the changes I've done to myself in regards to my weight loss.
He motivated me to better myself further, and also complimented me on looking good NOW.
I truly truly enjoyed him and liked him as one of my close and personal friends.
For so many reasons.
Q leaves behind his wonderful wife, Angela who is pregnant with a little girl that will be their first child together. His three sons and other close family members.
I will be mourning Q along side millions of other BSB fans all around the world.
My love and support goes out to Q's family, friends and the Backstreet Boys at this tough time.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Feel Good
Boys!
It's kind of strange.. When I was 80lbs heavier, I was always crushing on someone.
Now when I'm loosing weight, getting healthy.. There's no one on my radar.
I'm just liking boys in general at the moment.
I've been enjoying going out, partying and having fun with friends.
It's like a whole new world has opened up now.
More clothes to chose from as I'm not restricted to the "plus size" clothes anymore.
And do to that.. I actually ENJOY getting dressed up!
I feel pretty! It's a new feeling to me, different.. But good!
I have a totally different mind set towards life now than from what I used to have.
I'm liking and enjoying myself for the first time in my life and I'm so SO grateful!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Stuck in my head
Pages
Between us
Written with no end.
So many words we're not saying.
Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone.
You make me strong.
I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."
But I don't care,
I'm not scared of love.
'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker.
Is that so wrong?
Is it so wrong
That you make me strong?
Between us
Written with no end.
So many words we're not saying.
Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone.
You make me strong.
I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."
But I don't care,
I'm not scared of love.
'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker.
Is that so wrong?
Is it so wrong
That you make me strong?
Wrecking Ball
I saw a picture of him today.
To you it would look like any other picture of any other guy..
But to me.. It was HIM.
He had that really discrete smile on his face.. That smile that I always used to say I loved!
It was a new picture.
He looked good. In many ways.
He looked happy and healthy.. Which to me are the two most important things I want for him in life.
It comes and goes.. But it truly hit me like a ton of bricks with that picture.
He still holds my heart.
I'm not in love with him.
But I truly do love him still..
After all this time..
I still do
And I always,
Always will..
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Sometimes what you want most is what you're best without.
Three straight days of partying now done.
That's more than I usually party in a whole month!
I wish I could say that it'll be a while before I party again.. But with Christmas and New Years coming up.. We all know that won't happen.
I am getting a little more excited over my coming NY & NJ trip in may.
Last night I spoke to my favorite person in the world, Derek and he assured me that we will meet up as always when I get there.
That made me look forward to my trip more than what I did a few days ago.
I love Derek to death! He is such a good guy and I'm SO grateful that I still have him in my life.
I'm really looking forward to seeing D again.. Introduce him to the new me.
Can't wait!
That's more than I usually party in a whole month!
I wish I could say that it'll be a while before I party again.. But with Christmas and New Years coming up.. We all know that won't happen.
I am getting a little more excited over my coming NY & NJ trip in may.
Last night I spoke to my favorite person in the world, Derek and he assured me that we will meet up as always when I get there.
That made me look forward to my trip more than what I did a few days ago.
I love Derek to death! He is such a good guy and I'm SO grateful that I still have him in my life.
I'm really looking forward to seeing D again.. Introduce him to the new me.
Can't wait!
Friday, December 13, 2013
Randomness
You know when you're nice to a person of the opposite sex, show them appreciation and you give them attention, talk warmly about them and so on.
Just simply cause you like the person.. not like, like.. but.. like them.. as people.
You understand? And it gets confused for something else. That you actually LIKE them, or have a crush on them or something a long the lines of that.
It's frustrating.. Cause it has a tendency to ruin a relationship with that person. And you end up not talking to that person you thought so highly of.
Sad..
Just a random thought I had in my head just now. It happens.
Something like that ever happen to you?
I just got back from a short but fun evening out with my good friend Isabelle.
Her friends where I town performing at the local nightclub.
We always go see them when they're in town, and this time was no different.
Tomorrow I'm invited to a party at a friends house.
Looking forward to it.
But for now.. Bed!
Night lovers!
Just simply cause you like the person.. not like, like.. but.. like them.. as people.
You understand? And it gets confused for something else. That you actually LIKE them, or have a crush on them or something a long the lines of that.
It's frustrating.. Cause it has a tendency to ruin a relationship with that person. And you end up not talking to that person you thought so highly of.
Sad..
Just a random thought I had in my head just now. It happens.
Something like that ever happen to you?
I just got back from a short but fun evening out with my good friend Isabelle.
Her friends where I town performing at the local nightclub.
We always go see them when they're in town, and this time was no different.
Tomorrow I'm invited to a party at a friends house.
Looking forward to it.
But for now.. Bed!
Night lovers!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
A New York State Of Mind.
Wednesday.
Home alone tonight. Sister is out of town.. She pops of to go to Stockholm every other weekend or so. Just like me!
Anna and I just booked my birthday trip to NY/NJ.
I thought I'd be more excited than this to be honest.
I'm kind of.. blank, about it?
I think.. after all the history I have in Jersey.. It's become toxic to me.
A lot of memories that I hold so close to my heart, yet they are memories that needs to be kept away from me.. It's hard to explain.
But it all comes down to the fact that, Jordan is in Jersey.
New York and New Jersey sounds like SUCH a good idea and I LOVE New York. It's my favorite place in the world. And I love Jersey to. So much.. It's like home to me.
I think I just need to revisit that place and make new memories.
And make it that place of happiness that it used be, to me.
I need to connect to the city and to Jersey as the person I am today, and not be stuck in the memories as the person I used to be.
I'm not gonna lie.. I'm a bit anxious to go back.
Although I've been back 3 or 4 times since I last saw Jordan.. That feeling just never goes away.
I don't know how I would react if I ever saw him again.
I mean.. I'm definitely a different person now. A better person now.
What I did to Jordan I will never be able to take back or fix. And I know this.
But if I ever was to see him again. I hope that he would be able to see the person I am today, rather than the sick, broken person I used to be.
I think he would like the person I am today. I know I do.
Home alone tonight. Sister is out of town.. She pops of to go to Stockholm every other weekend or so. Just like me!
Anna and I just booked my birthday trip to NY/NJ.
I thought I'd be more excited than this to be honest.
I'm kind of.. blank, about it?
I think.. after all the history I have in Jersey.. It's become toxic to me.
A lot of memories that I hold so close to my heart, yet they are memories that needs to be kept away from me.. It's hard to explain.
But it all comes down to the fact that, Jordan is in Jersey.
New York and New Jersey sounds like SUCH a good idea and I LOVE New York. It's my favorite place in the world. And I love Jersey to. So much.. It's like home to me.
I think I just need to revisit that place and make new memories.
And make it that place of happiness that it used be, to me.
I need to connect to the city and to Jersey as the person I am today, and not be stuck in the memories as the person I used to be.
I'm not gonna lie.. I'm a bit anxious to go back.
Although I've been back 3 or 4 times since I last saw Jordan.. That feeling just never goes away.
I don't know how I would react if I ever saw him again.
I mean.. I'm definitely a different person now. A better person now.
What I did to Jordan I will never be able to take back or fix. And I know this.
But if I ever was to see him again. I hope that he would be able to see the person I am today, rather than the sick, broken person I used to be.
I think he would like the person I am today. I know I do.
♥
Returning to New Jersey & New York as this person!
Out with the old, In with the new!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
On a positive note
Wow, so much has happened since I last wrote here!
Only good things tho.. IF you don't count the fact that I'm down with the stomach flue.
But in the grater picture of it all.. It's nothing!
At the end of last month, my favorite boys in the world, the Backstreet Boys visited Sweden.
It's definitely been a whole while since their last visit.
I haven't met the boys since last summer, at the mixtape festival in PA. I've changed A WHOLE LOT since then.
It was an intense visit. They were only here for about 36hrs.
But we, our team.. Definitely got everything out of it that we wanted.
Let's just say we got more out of their visit than any other fans in Sweden. I'll just leave it at that!
Around the same time as this, actually, the day before they showed up.. I FINALLY got to move in to my apartment.
MY apartment! I live here under MY rules. It's definitely been a while.
I have my sister living with me also. But we compromise on everything and I don't feel at all that she or I are in the way of each other in any situation.
I'm sure we are gonna fight along the way.. But we are sisters, it's what we do.
But the good thing with sisters.. we always make up!
Two weeks ago, (dare I almost call him friend now? I see him as somewhere in between a "celebrity" that I admire, and as my friend.) Chris Medina visited Stockholm.
We have been talking on line and staying in touch for just about two years now and there are very few people in this world that I look up to and admire as much as I do with him.
His story and everything that he is, gives me hope.
He is such a genuine person.
It shines through just looking at him.
He is an amazing artist and I'm truly truly honored to have had the pleasure to stay in touch with him for all this time.
As of right now, I'm decked out in bed, stomach is feeling a lot better, but I dare not to go out and "live life" just yet. Wanna be cleared by Friday as I'm going out with a few friends!
I was supposed to have my good friend Anna come visit this weekend.
But she has hurt hew knee pretty badly and can't get here from Stockholm do to that soooo.. I guess getting drunk is my plan B? :)
Anna and I will be booking my birthday trip to New York/New Jersey tomorrow.
I can not wait to get back to my favorite city in the world!
It's been over a year now and this is the longest I've ever been away from the city since I first started going there back in 2009!
I miss my wonderful friends in New York & New Jersey.
This is where you all are thinking; She's talking about Jordan.
But ya'll are wrong. First of all, I was more referring to Derek.
Second of all.. Jordan and I are not friends so I couldn't be referring to him as a friend, could I? :)
I also am looking forward and hoping to see my New York friend, Lana.
Haven't seen her either since the mixtape festival.
Also hoping to see Mary from Jersey..
I guess there's a few people I wanna meet up with! But most of all.. I am looking forward to seeing the Man in my life, the one and only.. Man-hattan!
Only good things tho.. IF you don't count the fact that I'm down with the stomach flue.
But in the grater picture of it all.. It's nothing!
It's definitely been a whole while since their last visit.
I haven't met the boys since last summer, at the mixtape festival in PA. I've changed A WHOLE LOT since then.
It was an intense visit. They were only here for about 36hrs.
But we, our team.. Definitely got everything out of it that we wanted.
Let's just say we got more out of their visit than any other fans in Sweden. I'll just leave it at that!
Around the same time as this, actually, the day before they showed up.. I FINALLY got to move in to my apartment.
MY apartment! I live here under MY rules. It's definitely been a while.
I have my sister living with me also. But we compromise on everything and I don't feel at all that she or I are in the way of each other in any situation.
I'm sure we are gonna fight along the way.. But we are sisters, it's what we do.
But the good thing with sisters.. we always make up!
We have been talking on line and staying in touch for just about two years now and there are very few people in this world that I look up to and admire as much as I do with him.
His story and everything that he is, gives me hope.
He is such a genuine person.
It shines through just looking at him.
He is an amazing artist and I'm truly truly honored to have had the pleasure to stay in touch with him for all this time.
As of right now, I'm decked out in bed, stomach is feeling a lot better, but I dare not to go out and "live life" just yet. Wanna be cleared by Friday as I'm going out with a few friends!
I was supposed to have my good friend Anna come visit this weekend.
But she has hurt hew knee pretty badly and can't get here from Stockholm do to that soooo.. I guess getting drunk is my plan B? :)
Anna and I will be booking my birthday trip to New York/New Jersey tomorrow.
I can not wait to get back to my favorite city in the world!
It's been over a year now and this is the longest I've ever been away from the city since I first started going there back in 2009!
I miss my wonderful friends in New York & New Jersey.
This is where you all are thinking; She's talking about Jordan.
But ya'll are wrong. First of all, I was more referring to Derek.
Second of all.. Jordan and I are not friends so I couldn't be referring to him as a friend, could I? :)
I also am looking forward and hoping to see my New York friend, Lana.
Haven't seen her either since the mixtape festival.
Also hoping to see Mary from Jersey..
I guess there's a few people I wanna meet up with! But most of all.. I am looking forward to seeing the Man in my life, the one and only.. Man-hattan!
Saturday, November 9, 2013
It's ok.
It's ok.
It's more than ok.
We all fall apart. We mess up, we get back up again and we do it all over again.
Over and over.
It's what we do. It's what makes us human.
Life is not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself. Truly.
I've done so many fucked up things in my life, and hey.. I'm still in my 20's.. So I have many more mistakes to do. I'm sure you do to.
I love to check my self every now and then. Just to make sure I'm still on the right track.
I don't like to judge people based on shit they do.
But I, as well as you have my limits and morals and I do have a line than I don't let people cross with me.
This past month I have gone through some "anniversary" dates.
Mostly regarding Jordan and what I went trough with that.
It's now two years ago since I last saw him. I still remember watching him walk away..
Our last conversation, outside what room at what hotel.
Just like it was yesterday.
I think we all have that one person that we go to whenever someone asks; "Who's the love of your life". He will always be "The one who I let walk away".
It's not that I didn't fight for him, cause lord knows I did. But I fucked up to badly with him and I only have my self to blame for all that.
The pain is still very strong whenever anyone brings him up in conversation, or whenever he crosses my mind. It's like someone rams a knife through my heart and twists it.
But as much as it hurts, I still go there.. Cause in some fucked up way, the pain is worth it if I just get to go back and remember him for a while. Just for a little while.
Cause I do love him. Very much so.
I can't say that I am IN love with him.
I don't know him any more, and he does not know me anymore.
We are two completely different people now from what we were then.
I wish knew the person he is today. I know I would be proud of the changes that he has made in his life since I last saw him.
Not a day passes that I don't think of him.
Him.. The one that made all the difference.
If It wasn't for him I would never have gone and gotten the help that I so badly needed.
Now two years later I so clearly see and understand what I did and WHY I did it.
My friends have said on more than one occasion that they wish he knew and could hear the way I talk about him. And that he could see and know all the changes I have made in my life and to myself.
I don't know if he will ever know.
But I hope, dream and wish. Every day and every night.
It's more than ok.
We all fall apart. We mess up, we get back up again and we do it all over again.
Over and over.
It's what we do. It's what makes us human.
Life is not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself. Truly.
I've done so many fucked up things in my life, and hey.. I'm still in my 20's.. So I have many more mistakes to do. I'm sure you do to.
I love to check my self every now and then. Just to make sure I'm still on the right track.
I don't like to judge people based on shit they do.
But I, as well as you have my limits and morals and I do have a line than I don't let people cross with me.
This past month I have gone through some "anniversary" dates.
Mostly regarding Jordan and what I went trough with that.
It's now two years ago since I last saw him. I still remember watching him walk away..
Our last conversation, outside what room at what hotel.
Just like it was yesterday.
I think we all have that one person that we go to whenever someone asks; "Who's the love of your life". He will always be "The one who I let walk away".
It's not that I didn't fight for him, cause lord knows I did. But I fucked up to badly with him and I only have my self to blame for all that.
The pain is still very strong whenever anyone brings him up in conversation, or whenever he crosses my mind. It's like someone rams a knife through my heart and twists it.
But as much as it hurts, I still go there.. Cause in some fucked up way, the pain is worth it if I just get to go back and remember him for a while. Just for a little while.
Cause I do love him. Very much so.
I can't say that I am IN love with him.
I don't know him any more, and he does not know me anymore.
We are two completely different people now from what we were then.
I wish knew the person he is today. I know I would be proud of the changes that he has made in his life since I last saw him.
Not a day passes that I don't think of him.
Him.. The one that made all the difference.
If It wasn't for him I would never have gone and gotten the help that I so badly needed.
Now two years later I so clearly see and understand what I did and WHY I did it.
My friends have said on more than one occasion that they wish he knew and could hear the way I talk about him. And that he could see and know all the changes I have made in my life and to myself.
I don't know if he will ever know.
But I hope, dream and wish. Every day and every night.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Emotional Rush
Literally just woke up and had this massive urge to pore some love on one of the best people that has ever stepped in to my life.
This person got SO close to me, SO fast.
With her it's never any drama.. It just, works.
We had this intense period when we first got to know each other.
We went through so much. Good and bad.
This person is Jennifer.
Jennifer was one of the girls who moved in to my apartment in Santa Monica last year.
It was supposed to be her, me and 3 other girls.
It didn't end up that was for many reasons, and in some ways.. I think it was meant to be this way.
It ended up being me and Jenn, moving in with my good friend, Jay in his 3 bedroom apartment, 2 floors down.
We always had each other Jenn and I, and without her.. it would have been hell.
I will truly NEVER forget the summer that we had, and the things we went through together.
It's good to have friends like her in times of need.
I want you to know that I am eternally grateful for you and for the times we had, and the good times we WILL have in the future.
I love you with all my heart and I will ALWAYS be here for you, should you ever need me.
This person got SO close to me, SO fast.
With her it's never any drama.. It just, works.
We had this intense period when we first got to know each other.
We went through so much. Good and bad.
This person is Jennifer.
Jennifer was one of the girls who moved in to my apartment in Santa Monica last year.
It was supposed to be her, me and 3 other girls.
It didn't end up that was for many reasons, and in some ways.. I think it was meant to be this way.
It ended up being me and Jenn, moving in with my good friend, Jay in his 3 bedroom apartment, 2 floors down.
We always had each other Jenn and I, and without her.. it would have been hell.
I will truly NEVER forget the summer that we had, and the things we went through together.
It's good to have friends like her in times of need.
I want you to know that I am eternally grateful for you and for the times we had, and the good times we WILL have in the future.
I love you with all my heart and I will ALWAYS be here for you, should you ever need me.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
'Ello
This is my good friend Jennifer.
Jennifer told me to say hi to my blog from her.. so.. I guess.. Hi!
Mistakes were done
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
Christmas thinking
I have a million thoughts in my head this evening.
It's raining outside and I'm in one of my "Thinking" moods.
That mixed in with a bit of anxiety, makes for a few good blog entries.
It's the time of year where I tend to get really depressed.
It's dark, cold and rainy and soon, the rain will turn to snow.. Which is in no way better.
And when winter comes.. So does Christmas.
Christmas is my least favorite time of year.
It's the time when I feel completely alone. I have no family.
So there fore I tend to end up alone.
I've been lucky enough for a few years in a row now to have gotten invited to celebrate with friends.
Last year it was with my wonderful friend Nadja.
She took me in and made me feel really comfortable.
I even got to play Santa! Who would have ever thought that I would get to be Santa!?
The year before than I worked, and then celebrated with Angelica.
The year before than I was still living in America. KY as a matter of fact.
So I've had a few good Christmases.
But I always worry every year if I'm gonna get to celebrate, or if I'm gonna end up alone.
I think, me and Sandra talked about me celebrating with her and her family this year.
I don't think we set anything in stone which is why I'm still worried about it.
What are you all doing this Christmas? Has anyone even made plans yet?
Do you have any special Christmas traditions in your family, what are they?
Love!
It's raining outside and I'm in one of my "Thinking" moods.
That mixed in with a bit of anxiety, makes for a few good blog entries.
It's the time of year where I tend to get really depressed.
It's dark, cold and rainy and soon, the rain will turn to snow.. Which is in no way better.
And when winter comes.. So does Christmas.
Christmas is my least favorite time of year.
It's the time when I feel completely alone. I have no family.
So there fore I tend to end up alone.
I've been lucky enough for a few years in a row now to have gotten invited to celebrate with friends.
Last year it was with my wonderful friend Nadja.
She took me in and made me feel really comfortable.
I even got to play Santa! Who would have ever thought that I would get to be Santa!?
The year before than I worked, and then celebrated with Angelica.
The year before than I was still living in America. KY as a matter of fact.
So I've had a few good Christmases.
But I always worry every year if I'm gonna get to celebrate, or if I'm gonna end up alone.
I think, me and Sandra talked about me celebrating with her and her family this year.
I don't think we set anything in stone which is why I'm still worried about it.
What are you all doing this Christmas? Has anyone even made plans yet?
Do you have any special Christmas traditions in your family, what are they?
Love!
What is friendship?
I could make this another entry about how much I love and adore my friends. Cause I do. Big time.
But I Think everybody's got the point by now.
It's funny how people like to throw around the phrase "My best friend".
Cause.. I hear friends call each other that all the time.. then they turn right around and trash talk each other. and when they see each other again.. it's all smiles.
It confuses me.
I struggle a lot with anxiety. A lot.
I have periods in my life where everything is just, shit and I fall apart.
It all started after the whole Jordan episode.
It wasn't until then than I knew the full meaning of "anxiety".
No one who has ever had anxiety can fully understand it.
It is the most horrible feeling ever.
The type of anxiety I struggle with is not usually the "panic attack" kind.
Mine is more.. straight up, "I-want-to-die" type of feeling.
Not like, I have suicide thoughts, but more like, I hope I don't have to wake up tomorrow.
Some of the people that come in to my life, we may get close, we might even end up becoming really good friends. Some of those people tend to disappear, just like that when I find myself in one of my "lows". And when I get out of it.. They seam to play it like nothing ever happened.
I'm sorry, not really.. But that's not how friendship works.. At least not SHOULD work.
I stand strong for my friends when they need me.
Cause I expect nothing less from them when I need them.
It's simple.. Friends support each other and help each other in times of need.
At least those are the kind of friends I want in my life.
I have a bunch of friends that I will forever hold close to my heart, no matter where life takes me.
They have been my friends for years, YEARS.
I truly believe that if we have been friends for this long.. Not much could possibly get in between us.
I love these people dearly.
I may not see these friends every day. Or even talk to them every week.
But I know where they are if I should need them.
THEY, are my best friends.
But I Think everybody's got the point by now.
It's funny how people like to throw around the phrase "My best friend".
Cause.. I hear friends call each other that all the time.. then they turn right around and trash talk each other. and when they see each other again.. it's all smiles.
It confuses me.
I struggle a lot with anxiety. A lot.
I have periods in my life where everything is just, shit and I fall apart.
It all started after the whole Jordan episode.
It wasn't until then than I knew the full meaning of "anxiety".
No one who has ever had anxiety can fully understand it.
It is the most horrible feeling ever.
The type of anxiety I struggle with is not usually the "panic attack" kind.
Mine is more.. straight up, "I-want-to-die" type of feeling.
Not like, I have suicide thoughts, but more like, I hope I don't have to wake up tomorrow.
Some of the people that come in to my life, we may get close, we might even end up becoming really good friends. Some of those people tend to disappear, just like that when I find myself in one of my "lows". And when I get out of it.. They seam to play it like nothing ever happened.
I'm sorry, not really.. But that's not how friendship works.. At least not SHOULD work.
I stand strong for my friends when they need me.
Cause I expect nothing less from them when I need them.
It's simple.. Friends support each other and help each other in times of need.
At least those are the kind of friends I want in my life.
I have a bunch of friends that I will forever hold close to my heart, no matter where life takes me.
They have been my friends for years, YEARS.
I truly believe that if we have been friends for this long.. Not much could possibly get in between us.
I love these people dearly.
I may not see these friends every day. Or even talk to them every week.
But I know where they are if I should need them.
THEY, are my best friends.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
blah
Oy...
So mentally drained right now i'm not even.. Yea..
I don't understand people questioning me and my choice to stay away from certain things, drugs.
I really se no reason as to why anyone should question it really?
I've said it a million times before.
My issue with drugs is not that I can not be friends with people who use, It's simply the fact that I want to be aware. I want to KNOW. For many reasons, main reason probably that I want to be able to stay away from certain situations where "shit goes down".
It's that simple.
I really have no reason to why I should have to keep explaining myself either..
But people seem to not understand.. so I feel the need to KEEP explaining.
I will never "out" anyone if I find out that one or more of my friends are using.
It's just not what this is about..
It makes me really sad that some people feel the need to argue with me for the benefit of "the other side". Why? I have my opinion on the matter and I feel no need to have you tell me reasons to why my friend/s are using. I DON'T CARE.
I'm sad.
So mentally drained right now i'm not even.. Yea..
I don't understand people questioning me and my choice to stay away from certain things, drugs.
I really se no reason as to why anyone should question it really?
I've said it a million times before.
My issue with drugs is not that I can not be friends with people who use, It's simply the fact that I want to be aware. I want to KNOW. For many reasons, main reason probably that I want to be able to stay away from certain situations where "shit goes down".
It's that simple.
I really have no reason to why I should have to keep explaining myself either..
But people seem to not understand.. so I feel the need to KEEP explaining.
I will never "out" anyone if I find out that one or more of my friends are using.
It's just not what this is about..
It makes me really sad that some people feel the need to argue with me for the benefit of "the other side". Why? I have my opinion on the matter and I feel no need to have you tell me reasons to why my friend/s are using. I DON'T CARE.
I'm sad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)