If I was stupid maybe careless, so were you.

I'm in a funk.
I guess I'm just having a rough time at the moment.
I have way to much time to spend in my own head and it's not good for me.
I deleted facebook again. I do that whenever things get overwhelming.
It's one less thing to stress over I suppose.
One of my friends texted me asking if I was ok, cause she had noticed my facebook was gone again.
It feels good to know my friends are paying attention.
I told her what was up, and that I'd be ok again in a few days.
Shortly after that my best friend txted me, I really only read the first few words if her txt, it read "I need you". It took me 10 min to, get out of bed, get in the shower, get dressed, put makeup on and be out the door. And mind you, I have a lot of hair on my head so it SHOULD take a while to get sorted.
I ended up spening the whole day with her, making sure she was ok and getting her in a good mood.
She told me I was the first one she txted. She opened the door crying and we sat down and talked.
I left her place at night knowing she was in a better state of mind than when I came.
It feels good to be needed and to be able to help.
- I wonder what Soph would have to say about that?
I don't think I dropped everything and ran to her, because of me.. But with "us" I never really know.
I miss having Soph to talk to, to ask questions and to learn from.
It's thanks to her that I even got this far in my recovery.
I know she would say something along the lines of, "no it's because of you." But she's wrong.
SHE got this ball rolling and I would have never ever gotten this far if it wasn't for her help and support. So just accept it :)

Jordan has been on my mind a lot lately.
Probably not even cause i actually miss him, but probaby cause he is familiar and the feeling of him is something I know very well so I go there just to be able to feel something and at the same time KNOW what I am feeling. It makes the anxiety easier to deal with when I know WHY it's there.. Does that make any sence?
It all got triggered by seeing his brother tweet about him.
- Effing sucked!
I am proud of him tho. I knew he would do well in life.
He just needed to get there on his own and by him self.
Without anyone TELLING him that he HAD to get someplace. He is good people.

Right now it's almost 2 am. I am sick with a fever and yet again, alone in my own head.
Isabelle and Cayenne is sleeping since a few hrs back.
Night time is my alone time. The time when I have time for me and to reflect on things.
We are so all up on eachother all day every day so this "alone time" is REALLY important.

Been tweeting back and forth with Tony Gia again. Is is this awesome and really sweet guy from Clifton, New Jersey.
Well, I don't actually think he lives in Clifton, but he works as a DJ around that area so he spends a lot of time over there. He is really good people.
Whenever I'm in Jersey he always hooks me and my friends up on lists to clubs he is DJing at.
Really tallented guy.