It's been a.. strange day..

.. To say the least.

One could say that I have things going on in my life right now.
A bunch of things that I'd rather not have to deal with.
But such is life.. You deal with things on a daily basis that you rather not, but you do.. cause there is just no other way.

I answer hundreds of phone calls every day at work. Some are fun, some are less fun.
Customers with all different issues and requests. I treat them all differently, cause they are all.. different.
Today I answered the phone, just like every other day and a woman was on the other line.
She had me on speaker phone and she told me she had been doing the dishes while waiting for her call to be answered. She sounded happy and there was something really.. familiar about her.. comfortable if you will.
She proceeded to tell me her business and why she had called in and I went about my job, to help her.
She continues to talk and she's so friendly and funny.. one of those people you just instantly just.. love!
She asks out of the blue "You're a sensitive, aren't you?". As for you who don't know what a sensitive is, it's someone who senses "the other side". Dead people, or spirits. Call them what you want.
I answered her in some what of a surprised response that Yea.. I'm sort of sensitive to things like like.
I can sense things, but it's not like "I see dead people".
She tells me she knew it the second I picked up the phone.
She then continues to tell me that she is a sensitive and that she has "a man with her", from the other side.
She says he is connected to me. - "He is a tall man, very handsome. Do you have a man you know on the other side"
- Yes.. My dad, was a tall man. He would have been good looking cause he had kids with 4-5 different women.
- "Hmm.. I don't know, cause it doesn't feel like you would have a very close relationship to this man."
- Well that sounds about right as I never knew my dad. I never met him.
The woman laughs and says something a long the lines of "well that makes sense then, I guess I have you're dad here, he says congratulations"
Now I have no idea what that was for.. I have nothing to be congratulated for at the moment.. that I know of at least.. Maybe he knew something I don't.. yet?
She says - "I'm sorry, I'm gonna let you work, it's just that they are a talkative bunch of people I have with me here".
One.... Two... Three seconds passes and she starts talking again.
- "You have a girl sitting right behind you, a blonde girl".
I turn around to look who's behind me, even tho I already know who sits right behind me at work.
- Uhm... Yes... That would be Heidi!
Heidi is my best friend at work, we get along really well.
- "Tell her I said that she has a lot of bright spirit people, angels around her"
- ... Ok....
At this point I'm completely overwhelmed by her.
She again apologizes and tell me she's gonna let me do my job now.
One...Two...
- "I have you're grandmother here"
- MORMOR!! (Grandmother in Swedish) My mormor is the best!
- "She likes it that you said IS the best and not WAS the best"
- "Mormor wants you to know that everything is ok and that you need to let her go. You can't carry her around anymore."
- I have not let my mormor go yet, she was my world.
- "She knows this, but she doesn't want you to be sad, and mormor can't pass on as long as you hold on to her"
- ......
- "Mormor is showing me flowers which means "i love you" on the other side. She wants you to say hi to you're mother, she needs that"
Now.. My mother and I don't have a mother daughter relationship do to her putting me through hell as a child.. but I know my mother have been struggling lately with some decisions that had to be made.
- "It's really important to mormor that you tell you're mother, Hi"
- I will..
At this point I am crying. My mormor was my everything. My only family member. The only one I could go to when my mother was at her worst.. when i had not eaten in days or when I just needed.. someone.

When the call ended and I had to run out and burst in to tears.
I locked myself in the bathroom and just.. let it all out.
I was, and still am so overwhelmed by her.
There was many more aspects of this phone call, but things I'll rather not share.
I am so grateful to this woman for greeting me, being friendly and for sharing her gift with me.
It is something that I will never forget.
I am a firm believer in "the other side" and that we get visits from them, our loved ones, all the time.
I feel warm at heart by the thought of my mormor being with me.
Although I have felt her presence around me for many years.. This kind of.. sort of.. confirmed it, in a way. It was truly truly a special phonecall.

I hope you all are well out there.

xoxo 

Give me strength

Help me Figure out the difference 

Between right and wrong 

Weak and strong 

Day and night 

Where I belong and 

Help me 

Make the right decisions 

Know which way to turn 

Lessons to learn 

And just what my purpose is here

Game Over.

.... And it happened again!
Officially closing my twitter & instagram. cleaning out fans from my twitter then I'm done with it.
I've tried to be nice and understanding of some of you but it's at the point right now when you're just pissing me off. I've dealt with some of you snatching my pictures off of my instagram, sending messages to my personal friends asking questions about my relationship to the boys, among other things.
I don't get it!! I'm just me! I'm no one to follow, look up to and DEFINITELY not suck up to!
I can see through that shit in a heartbeat.
Befriending me won't get you closer to the boys.
I don't even understand where you are getting all this from.
Even if I could get you closer to the boys, I won't.
It's not up to me to decide who they want to talk to and who they don't want to talk to.
And if I know the boys right, and I think I do.
They will be happy to talk to every single one of you as long as you're nice.
It's sad that it's come to this. I was looking forward to meeting some of you in Germany but right now.. I don't feel like meeting you at all.
I will be traveling with my girls and those are the only people I want to associate with on this trip.
I will keep running ExchangeEurope and Co-Admin with Tess on ExchangersUnited.com but as far anything regarding my personal accounts. It will be off limit.
I wish that you will respect this from now on.

Lindah

Euphoria

I'm in some kind of Euphoric state of mine. It's SUCH an awesome feeling.
Things are just clearing up. I walk around smiling, humming on my favorite Disney movie songs and.. I guess.. Feel like I might even be in one of them movies.
I LOOOOVE my job and the people I work with!
I LOOOOVE my #SpecialFriends and my favorite Norwegian-broken-butt-nut-cracker!
I have a MAJOR crush on all of my beautiful friends and I just feel.. Like i'm breathing again.
It's been a while since I felt like this, I hope it will last a while so I can catch my breath a lil.
I'm SO excited to see the guys in Germany in just a few weeks.
These months since when we first started talking about going just FLEW by!

Anyways.. I just wanted to drop in real quick.
Working late this week so I JUST got home, am gonna watch an episode of Game Of Thrones then SLEEEEP. Am gonna TRY to muster some discipline and get my butt to the gym in the morning before work. Watch......... !

LOVE

Midsummer!

Thoughts

You know.. I was laying awake last night thinking about.. Guys.. But not in that way.. More like.. I'm the "always single" chick among my friends.. Not always by choice.
I haven't always been the most.. "desirable" girl in the world.. and I haven't always looked at my self and thought I deserved to have someone.
I've gotten burned.. Oh so burned.
And I haven't really gotten involved with someone after that whole thing went down..
Most of you know that "situation", as THAT guy.
I truuuuuly loved him and it went to hell.. and back.. and then to hell again.
It took a lot out of me and I don't really think I've truly fully recovered from it.
I still panic at the though of getting comfortable around a guy again. I just.. I can't.
It's gonna take a lot for me to relax and let someone in.
They will have to be someone truly special.. and patient. VERY patient.
I know I'm worth it.. I LOVE spoiling my guy.. doing things for him, not cause he asks me to.. but cause I want to. Love having someone to come home to..
That thought when you get out of work for the day and you just wanna hurry home, because HE is there. That feeling! I long for it.

But.. I've come to the conclusion that I somewhat stay away from dating cause.. This might sound and be dumb, but it's the thruth.. and that's cause of drugs.
I am so ZERO tolerance towards drugs that it just makes dating to complicated to deal with.
I mean.. for example.. a few months ago I was out with my good friend Jasmi.
We're sitting at a table, minding our own and then a group of guys approach us.
They all seam very nice so we invite them to join us.
We're talkin and having fun and then one of the guys turns to me and starts talking about what kind of drugs he took while getting ready to go out........... Dude... No.
He continues to ask me what I take and what my drug of choice is.
My point is.. drugs have become such an "accepted" thing among us.. so I just don't wanna even bother trying to find a good guy, just a normal, family oriented guy with both his feet on the ground.. who does NOT do drugs. Of any kind.
I've been "surprised" with guys before.. dating them for a while and then finding out from other people that they're using. I just don't wanna go through that again.. I'm guarded and it has lead to me having a very hard time trusting guys.. Which is sad.. cause I wan't to love and be loved.. but it's just... to frighting.

Oh You Better Be Ready For It!

....Stay Tuned!

Exchange Backstreet Direction

Soooo.. I guess I've been missing in action for a while.
Been a tad busy with life.
New job, new projects and other fun adventures.

This weekend I was off to Stockholm to see One Direction live in concert.
I've waited a LONG-ASS-TIME to see these guys in concert.
I met one of the boys before but back then i didn't even know who he was and couldn't have cared less.
Let's just say I'm kicking myself for that now. Hard.
I've since then come to understand just how fun these guys are!
Sure.. I love the Backstreet Boys, and they will ALWAYS be my number one..
But Thats all heart.. One Direction is all fun.
I'm not even gonna put The Exchange in the same category as the other two.
First off cause it's kind of hard for me to see them as a "boy band".
They're so different. And also cause they are more or less my friends.
Especially Diaz. I do not see him as.. anything other than a friend.
So I guess you could say.. They mean more to me than "just music".

I've been helping Bama out with some, I guess.. Pre-Promo stuff for the boys.
Gathering info on radio stations.
Happy place for sure. I LOVE doing stuff like that.
I've studied media for far to long not to put it in to use when needed.
Hopefully I'll get to help some more, should they need it. Even if it means little things.. I'd be honored.
I've been missing the boys allot lately.
Maybe especially Aaron. We used to tweet every day before.. now I haven't talked to him in a month.
He was such happy distraction for me to go to when I needed to put my focus on something while anxiety struck.
It's been hard to keep focus and I'm unfortunately back on my meds.
Trying to find something solid to keep my head above water is hard, which is also why I'm so willing and grateful to help the boys out with things.. It keeps me busy and distracted enough to not feel that anxiety.
Hopefully will find something soon to keep me smiling.

Untill next time my loves.. Behave!

Bla bla bla

It is Sunday. Where did this weekend go?
Good thing I love my job and can't wait to get back there tomorrow.

This weekend have been good. Chilled on Friday cause i was DEAD after the cruise with the girls.
Last night was Dani's Birthday bash. Was sooo much fun and also got to meet and make up with an old friend with whom I had a falling out with a few years back.
We have not spoken since and it was nice to finally work things out.
She, as well as I have changed a lot in these past few years.
She's had 2 kids since then and is about to get married.

It is now June.. And that means that NEXT MONTH.. I will get to see the boys again.
I am looking forward to this trip way, way to much! Honestly mostly looking forward to seeing Christopher.
I absolutely adore that guy.
Have loads of fun things planned before it's time for Germany tho.
Like in two weeks.. It will be time to see One Direction in concert. I CAN NOT WAIT!!
Harry Styles.. I mean.. Harry Styles... *Swooning*

And as I'm just rambling on about BS now.. I'm gonna wrap it up and leave y'all with some pictures from the cruise with the girls.

LOVE!

Departed

When your life is going to fast,
off the train tracks
I can slow it down
just when you think you're bout to turn back
scared you might crash
I'll be your ground

When you feel your hearts guarded,
And you see the brakes started,
And when the clouds above Departed,
You'll be right here with me,
And when your tears are dry from crying,
And when the worlds turned silent,
So when the clouds above Departed,
You will be right here with me,

When your trapped and there's just no key,
And you can't breathe,
I breathe for you,
The fire's got you down on both knees,
The walls are closing in but I will,
Break them through,
And when you feel alone,
I will be your home,
Whatever comes and goes,
You know I got you

Exchangers

Before bedtime.. I just wanted to remind all of you minions that, you guys are awesome!
You definitely make me smile every day with your sweet messages.
I am honored and blessed to be receiving all this love from all over Europe.

I am doing the best that I can to keep you happy and smiling, reading all of your tweets, messages and PM's.
I read every single one of them. Thank you.

And Thank you for having all this faith and trust in me!

Mwaaah! xoxo 

Germany is BOOKED!

I am so excited!
Me and the girls just booked our trip to Germany for this summer.
I can seriously not wait. It will be sooo good see the boys again.
I'm mostly excited to see Christopher in all honesty. He's such a fantastic guy!
Obviously excited to see the other 4 guys also, and Matt! Let's not forget Matt!

Was contacted today by an Exchange fan about working on a new project for the boys.
And of course I'm down for that.
I truly love helping all of you out with projects and what not, that's what I'm here for.
Will be fun to see how this develops.
I love getting all of you're sweet messages of concern and support.
And I don't judge all of y'all cause some fans can't behave. Not at all so no worries.
So keep throwing ideas at me, I am more than willing to collaborate and help.

Tomorrow is monday and that means, WORK!
I could seriously not be more excited. Ha!
Love my new job and my colleagues, I've found a few diamonds in our group that I really enjoy.
It will definitely be a fun summer at work. And if we all get to stay after summer.. AWESOOOME!
Anyways.. Am off to watch a movie and then sleep time for me.

Thanks Laura for the kind words!

xoxo

Bat Shit Crazy

It's been a pretty crazy week.
Good and bad kind of crazy. First week at my new job is done and I'm loving it so far.
Found a really sweet friend in one of the girls in my group.

Regarding another thing... or things, that happened this weekend was pretty clear in a previous entry i did this week. About privacy. It took about 24hrs before crazy turned around and bit me again.
I don't even know what to say or where to start really.. But I am seriously uncomfortable.
Cleaned out a few ppl off my facebook friendlist.. like 4ppl that i took off so facebook i've been pretty good with keeping clean.. but Twitter.... There's just no way I can clean that shit up.
And If I make a new one.. private.. and I don't get the boys to follow me on there.. I won't be able to talk to them.. :(
Christopher I have on facebook so that's all good.. but.. It would be nice to be able to throw a tweet at them every now and then.. which I won't be able to do if I have to make a new account. Ugh..
So sad that a few of the girls have to ruin it for the rest of them.
They've made me even... not so excited about Germany this summer.
A lot of them are flying in for the boys gig at Europa Park in august..
And at first I was excited to get to meet these girls.. But now... not so much.
Depending on who's coming obviously.. most of the girls are wonderful.
But then there's these other ones..
I don't even know why I'm so surprised.
These are Backstreet Boys fans we're talking about.
And Backstreet fans are, as Madelene would so graciously put it, bat shit crazy.
I just.. didn't see this one coming.
One of them said "You're just as famous as the boys now". Fuuuuck that shit.
I am NOT doing ANY of this to get recognition or anything of that sort.
I am doing this for the boys, and for the Exchangers cause I like it, it's fun and it brings me joy to make other people happy. Nowhere in this universe did I do any of it to make myself look good.
No.. Wrong. So the thought of anyone thinking of me in any other way than just a normal girl.. is overwhelming.. Not gonna lie.

Gonna try and sleep now.

Keep smiling, lovers!

Birthday Boy!!

I want to wish the fantastic Jamal a VERY happy birthday!

I hope you get to spend your day surrounded by all your favorite people!

Enjoy!

xoxo

One bad apple

It's an absolutely GORGEOUS day out!
I just got home from my third day at my new job.
I'm really enjoying it so far. The only thing i'm NOT so crazy about is having to get up at 4am every day.
Rough, real rough.

Regarding yesterdays entry.
I've gotten sooo many positive responses from you gorgeous people.
99% of you guys understand fully and support me all the way.
You know what they say.. one bad apple don't spoil a whole bunch.
You guys are awesome, you really are and it's gonna be fun seeing some of you this summer in Germany.
Thank you for all the sweet messages and tweets yesterday.
I know I didn't respond to everyone but some days it's just about impossible for me to keep up.
You guys are over 500 and I'm one person lol.. You do the math :)

XOXO

Privacy

I feel that I ones again need to address something.
It's hard for me to express myself regarding this cause I don't really know how to, without sounding like a compete drama queen or a bitch.
But the fact of the matter is that I am getting really overwhelmed.

I love all of you Exchangers and appreciate all the love and support you are showing me, as well as for the group and the site (ExchangeEurope & ExhangersUniter).
I enjoy talking to you and hearing about your day, your ideas and thoughts of the boys.
I do.. But there is a line that can't be crossed and that's when it comes to privacy.
I have had to set my instagram and twitter to private before and I don't wanna go back to that but if boundaries keeps getting crossed I will have to.
I want to share my day with you all and update my instagram with pictures of my everyday life.
But please, don't use my pictures without asking me first.
And when it comes to my facebook, I have been bombarded with friend requests these past few weeks, and I am flattered that you guys want to be friends, but it comes down to the fact that I am a very private person and there's a lot of personal things on my facebook so if I don't know you personally, I ask that you keep it to instagram and twitter.
I am happy to talk to you on there as long as you are respectful.

I don't mean for you to not talk to me or contact me at all.. just.. give me a little privacy and space.
I understand that you all are really excited over the boys and their European plans.
I'm glad that you are, but please don't ask me for personal information on the boys, a lot of the things that you are asking for I can not answer, and the things I can answer that would be considered their private life, I will still not share with you cause it is not my information to share. Please respect that.
I love it that you guys contact me with ideas and projects that you have and want me to be a part of or help you with, I am more than happy to help you guys with things like that, so don't feel intimidated to keep contacting me about things like that.

I hope this will help establish a more, how can I put it..
Healthy and less stressful relationship between me and you all.
Keep being fantastic, keep spreading the love and support just like you have been doing, but keep in mind, I am just one person and It's hard for me to keep up with you all so if it takes a little while for me to get back to you, don't stress, I'll get around to it. Promise.

I love you guys SOOOO much, and I hope that you will not take this entry in a negative manner.
I am simply trying to help our relationship so it can work more smoothly.
I hope you all are having a fantastic day.

Much Love.
xoxo Lindah

ExchangeEurope 
Admin: Me
Co-Admin: Tiina

& 

ExchangersUnited

Webmaster: Therese
Co-Webmaster: Me

ExchangeEurope and ExchangersUnited are two seperate things.
ExchangeEurope backs and supports ExchangersUnited and the other way around, but they are not the same. 

See ExchangersUnited more of an extension of ExchangeEurope. 

Westeros

Oh hey!
Awesome day! Signed a contract with my new job today starting monday.
Can't wait!
I've done this exact job before, and I'm really.. Really good at it so I really can't wait to show them what I'm made of.

Also met up with two of my sisters today.
I'm really happy that I'm seeing them regularly now days. It used to be years in between our meet-ups.
I don't have a family, never did.. so it's really important to me to establish a relationship with them.
I didn't grow up with my siblings.. so I don't really see them as.. siblings.. but they are still my blood.
I always try to learn about them and compare myself to them.. in hopes I can find something of myself, in them.

Tomorrow my good friend Anna is coming to visit, which means I'm gonna spend my entire morning cleaning my apt while I'm at the same time doing laundry and doing the dishes.. Yep! Saturday.
Will be good to have her here tho. Haven't seen her since feb.. And right now her and I are supposed to be in NY/NJ... But that didn't go as planed and we had to cancel our trip... :(

Oh well.. Gotta go call my bestie. Spent all afternoon with her at the ER yesterday so need to check in with her and see if there's any change.

Stay smiling!
xoxo

30 and flirty

My last blog entry as a 20-something-girl. Rough.. really rough.
30.. that age makes me sick to my stomach. Well.. Not so much the age it self.. but that I'M turning 30.
I don't feel like I'm qualified to turn 30 just yet.
10 years ago I saw my life COMPLETELY different by this time that it really turned out to be.
I'm SO rich in experience, but what have I really accomplished?
Sure, yea... I've done some SERIOUS work on myself these last 3 years and that's of course an accomplishment by it self. But I mean.. as far as anything else goes?
I don't know.. I just don't feel.. "THERE" yet..

The project that Therese and I have been working on for a couple of weeks now, got finished last night.
We're so proud of it and we've been getting amazing response from The Exchange fans!
The only Exchange member to have commented on it so far is Christopher. He loved it!
Christopher is just amaaaazing! LOVE that guy!
It feels good to have worked HARD on something for weeks for someone and get some appreciation for it.
The fans are Grateful, and Christopher and Matt loves it.
Bama also gave us cred for it.. Miss talking to that guy..

Anyways.. Tomorrow.. 30.. I'll be working so hopefully will be distracted enough to not think about that horrible number.

CLICK

Stay good, lovers!

xoxo

Exchangers

Stockholm my dear Stockholm.

I just got home and I already miss it.
Altho Stockholm is not exactly what you would call a big capital city.. It is still the closest thing I get to a major city here in Sweden.

I miss my New York. It's a rough day today.. I am supposed to be on a plane on my way to NY as I am typing this. But life happened and now I'm... stuck in Sweden for about 6 more months.. Blah..
I really really need to get back to Manhattan. ASAP.

Anyways.. I have been really down for a few days now suffering abandonment issues and I don't know how to handle it. 

It's such an odd, confusing situation and I'm completely clueless.
Through this I have been getting SO much love from The Exchange's fans.

These girls are the sweetest things ever, they tweet me little sweet messages of encouragement, love and support that keeps me going through the day. 

They're SO grateful to me for the ExchangeEurope accounts and they let me know every single day.
It will be wonderful getting to meet a lot of them in person this summer. 

The Exchange, without a doubt have the friendliest fan base EVER and I am forever grateful to the boys for bringing us all together.

On a different note, I have a really important interview for a job today.

I REALLY want this job so I'm hoping it will go my way.

I've had the same job but for a different company before so I KNOW I can do this, and I'm DAMN good at it. Keep your fingers crossed for me, will ya!?

Gonna chill out and watch some TV now before it's time to head downtown.

LOVE to all.

A little too not over you

Tell me why you're so hard to forget. 

Don't remind me, I'm not over it. 

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth. 

And I really don't know what to do. 

I'm just a little too not over you.