Hungry hungry hungry!!!
This diet thing is a freakin pain in the ass, ESPECIALLY living with my roomie who cooks like a freakin angel! Smells so good I could die!! I'm being a good girl tho and keeping at it. I've lost 24.2 lbs since jan 28th!
I took a 2 and a half weeks rest from it and ate whatever I felt like, so all in all I've been at this for about 3 and a half weeks. so 24.2 lbs in that amount of time pretty damn good.
On a different note, I recieved a notice from facebook that my account had been reported as "Fake".
I.e, someone who is using someone else pictures and basically "impersonating" someone else.
I have to laugh at it all. I mean.. If someone wanted to make a fake facebook account, why use MY pictures??
I'm SURE you can do better than that, who ever you are :)
A bit flattered tho, I'm not gonna lie.
Anyways, I am in love with life for the first time ever and I am enjoying getting stronger and smarter each and every day.
I have a WONDERFUL army of friends and supporters around me and I know it is thanks to you all that I have come this far in my recovery. For that I am forever in deep loving gratitude to you all, who inspires me to keep going on this journey!
Thank you! Really!
stat
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Home!
Home is where the heart is and my heart is with me, for the first time, ever!
I am just right exactly where I should be at this place in time.
Who knows what the future may hold, but right now, right here.. Is where I should be!
It's an awesome feeling.
Having gone through the things I have in life, with my background and trauma, I don't expect anyone to understand the feeling I have. It takes someone who's gone through hell and back to understand the feeling of.. This!
Everything is falling into place and I am not gonna let anything get in my way now.
I just wanna keep doing what I am doing and staying on the path that I am on.
Then and only then will I reach the place and person I am suppoused to find and be.
I am sending ALL my love and support to my most important person in life, Sophia.
Looks like she's finally met someone who is worth her love.
There is no other person in my life that means as much to me as she does.
She is the reason I am where I am today and not still walking around in the dark place I was a year ago. She took me under her wing, showed me and taught me what it meant to be me and WHY, I am me. If it wasn't for her.. I wouldn't be. I know this.
I am just all around in a happy place.
So much support, love and understanding coming from all around and I am SO grateful for it!
I have gotten rid of the last negativity in my life and from here on only good things, and I am 100% focused and motivated!
Watch me!
I am just right exactly where I should be at this place in time.
Who knows what the future may hold, but right now, right here.. Is where I should be!
It's an awesome feeling.
Having gone through the things I have in life, with my background and trauma, I don't expect anyone to understand the feeling I have. It takes someone who's gone through hell and back to understand the feeling of.. This!
Everything is falling into place and I am not gonna let anything get in my way now.
I just wanna keep doing what I am doing and staying on the path that I am on.
Then and only then will I reach the place and person I am suppoused to find and be.
I am sending ALL my love and support to my most important person in life, Sophia.
Looks like she's finally met someone who is worth her love.
There is no other person in my life that means as much to me as she does.
She is the reason I am where I am today and not still walking around in the dark place I was a year ago. She took me under her wing, showed me and taught me what it meant to be me and WHY, I am me. If it wasn't for her.. I wouldn't be. I know this.
I am just all around in a happy place.
So much support, love and understanding coming from all around and I am SO grateful for it!
I have gotten rid of the last negativity in my life and from here on only good things, and I am 100% focused and motivated!
Watch me!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Back to basic
It's fantastic how people change and grow.
It makes me happy to see someone I care about, find their way.
I did some serious growing, learning and healing myself this past year.
No one who knew me a year ago, knows me today.
I am still getting to know myself, and it's gonna take years to get to where I need to be to be happy with myself. I am not stressing over it tho, as long as I feel myself going in the right direction.. I am in no hurry to get there. Everything has it's time and place.
When I started this blog, it was for me only.
I have after that opened my blog to my friends and the public.
So basically, now everything I think and feel.. Is for everyone to know, judge and talk about.
This is not why I write here. I still use this blog for the same reason I did when I started it.
Strickly therapeutic. It helps me a lot to deal with everyday situations that goes on, if I just have a place to put all my thoughts and feelings, such as here. In my blog.
So that means I don't put things in here to "tell the world" about.
It just simply is something that's on my mind.
I also promised myself when I started this blog, that I was gonna keep negativity out of it.. I failed a few days ago and It's been on my mind ever since.
That was the first and last time I write about people or a single person whom is not worth my time, energy or a place to be mentioned in my blog.
I am gonna keep working on myself to be the best that I can be each and every day.
I'm gonna keep doing ACA (Klick here) work and also gonna go back and do some serious "The Secret" work.
I appreciate that you take time to read my blog and hope maybe some of you will find something worth taking with you.
It makes me happy to see someone I care about, find their way.
I did some serious growing, learning and healing myself this past year.
No one who knew me a year ago, knows me today.
I am still getting to know myself, and it's gonna take years to get to where I need to be to be happy with myself. I am not stressing over it tho, as long as I feel myself going in the right direction.. I am in no hurry to get there. Everything has it's time and place.
When I started this blog, it was for me only.
I have after that opened my blog to my friends and the public.
So basically, now everything I think and feel.. Is for everyone to know, judge and talk about.
This is not why I write here. I still use this blog for the same reason I did when I started it.
Strickly therapeutic. It helps me a lot to deal with everyday situations that goes on, if I just have a place to put all my thoughts and feelings, such as here. In my blog.
So that means I don't put things in here to "tell the world" about.
It just simply is something that's on my mind.
I also promised myself when I started this blog, that I was gonna keep negativity out of it.. I failed a few days ago and It's been on my mind ever since.
That was the first and last time I write about people or a single person whom is not worth my time, energy or a place to be mentioned in my blog.
I am gonna keep working on myself to be the best that I can be each and every day.
I'm gonna keep doing ACA (Klick here) work and also gonna go back and do some serious "The Secret" work.
I appreciate that you take time to read my blog and hope maybe some of you will find something worth taking with you.
"Forgive forgive forgive and move on, don't forget, but don't dwell on
it.
Today, forgive someone because, I am sure you need to be forgived too" - J.N
Today, forgive someone because, I am sure you need to be forgived too" - J.N
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Army
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Wether it's between friends or lovers.
Atleast if you ask me.
I am lucky enough to be where I am today, mostly do to my fantastic army of friends.
I don't have a family of my own, so for me my friends are my family and I trust my family blindly.
I expect my friends to tell me to my face what they think and feel.
To go behind my back, is not something I appreciate.
Sure, we all make mistakes.. we are all human.
I expect my friends to mess up ones or twice, that's ok..
But to time after time put a knife in my back.. Thanks, but no thanks.
I'd rather have people tell me "You're a bitch and I don't like you", rather than they being nice to my face and telling everyone else what they should be telling me.
I mean, do you really wanna waste mine and your time on someone you don't even like?
When I don't like a person, they know. I make no secret of the fact that I don't like a person.
I find it easier that way. I don't like being fake.
I have REALLY struggled with myself this past year, working on my self, learning and understanding myself and my situation.
I am just starting my recovery and my journey, I have YEARS to go which makes it very easy for me to slip or fall back in to my old self..
This makes it even more important to me that I know where I have my friends and that I can trust them. To be betrayed now will definitely throw me off..
I am thankful to have gotten rid of that one person who so clearly was not my friend and to now be surrounded my some of the best people in the world.
My friends. My family!
Atleast if you ask me.
I am lucky enough to be where I am today, mostly do to my fantastic army of friends.
I don't have a family of my own, so for me my friends are my family and I trust my family blindly.
I expect my friends to tell me to my face what they think and feel.
To go behind my back, is not something I appreciate.
Sure, we all make mistakes.. we are all human.
I expect my friends to mess up ones or twice, that's ok..
But to time after time put a knife in my back.. Thanks, but no thanks.
I'd rather have people tell me "You're a bitch and I don't like you", rather than they being nice to my face and telling everyone else what they should be telling me.
I mean, do you really wanna waste mine and your time on someone you don't even like?
When I don't like a person, they know. I make no secret of the fact that I don't like a person.
I find it easier that way. I don't like being fake.
I have REALLY struggled with myself this past year, working on my self, learning and understanding myself and my situation.
I am just starting my recovery and my journey, I have YEARS to go which makes it very easy for me to slip or fall back in to my old self..
This makes it even more important to me that I know where I have my friends and that I can trust them. To be betrayed now will definitely throw me off..
I am thankful to have gotten rid of that one person who so clearly was not my friend and to now be surrounded my some of the best people in the world.
My friends. My family!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
I love them dearly!
I've been really craving a visit to FL lately.
I haven't been back there since my trip back in 99.
That was probably the best visit to the US so far.
I met people who would forever change my life and me as a person.
I was 14 when I first decided I wanted to go to FL.
Mostly I wanted to go because of the fact that FL, is where the Backstreet Boys are from originally.
But ones I got there.. That didn't even matter.
The family I stayed with while I was there, my host family.. They were, and still are.. some of the best people I have ever met. They are my Florida Family.
The mother of the Family, Suzanne was really young when I was visiting.. I think she was a few years younger than I am now..? She taught me things that I would forever carry with me.
Now the olderst of their children, Lexy.. She's getting married.. (This is where I should say something like, 'They grow up so fast') And I still, and probaby always will see her as the little 5yr old who helped me break in to Nick Carters gated community in Apollo Beach, FL.
I lost contact with my FL family somwhere along the way after returning home and it would take around 10 years to track them down again.
And now when I have them back in my life.. I ask the Universe that I won't ever lose them again.
I haven't been back there since my trip back in 99.
That was probably the best visit to the US so far.
I met people who would forever change my life and me as a person.
I was 14 when I first decided I wanted to go to FL.
Mostly I wanted to go because of the fact that FL, is where the Backstreet Boys are from originally.
But ones I got there.. That didn't even matter.
The family I stayed with while I was there, my host family.. They were, and still are.. some of the best people I have ever met. They are my Florida Family.
The mother of the Family, Suzanne was really young when I was visiting.. I think she was a few years younger than I am now..? She taught me things that I would forever carry with me.
Now the olderst of their children, Lexy.. She's getting married.. (This is where I should say something like, 'They grow up so fast') And I still, and probaby always will see her as the little 5yr old who helped me break in to Nick Carters gated community in Apollo Beach, FL.
I lost contact with my FL family somwhere along the way after returning home and it would take around 10 years to track them down again.
And now when I have them back in my life.. I ask the Universe that I won't ever lose them again.
Svenskt
Nu är det såhär, jag tycker egentligen inte om att "prata" via bloggar och facebook och allt vad det kan vara och "hinta" till folk. Men nog får vara nog.
Game over för den "vännen" som har kallat sig för mig vän och samtidigt gått till alla möjliga människor och bokstavligen, snackat skit om mig.
Påstått saker som inte alls varit sanna, och sedan i andra sekunden gått och sagt till mig vilken underbar vän jag är.
Du som säger till andra att jag behandlar dig som skit, när allt jag gjort är att prata bra om dig och tilloch med försvarat dig när jag sett andra behandla dig som skit.
Du som gillar mina status uppdateringar när jag skriver hur mycket jag uppskattar mina vänner.
DU är inte en av de vännerna jag syftar på.
Jag har LÄNGE vetat att du säger en sak till andra och behandlar mig på ett annat.
Du som tycker att du "förlorar" vänner till mig.
DET har INGET med mig att göra, utan det ligger nog mer hos dig, och vem DU är.
Du som svek mig och sen bad om förlåtelse, för att sedan sticka mig i ryggen igen.
De hemska sakerna som jag fått reda på att du sagt om mig är nog.
Nog för att jag aldrig mer vill ha något med dig att göra mera.
Jag tollererar MYCKET bullshit så länge man ber om ursäkt men en gång är ett misstag, Två gånger är en vana och denna vana du har att smutskasta mig och vara falsk, är INGET jag vill veta av och behöver ha i min närhet.
Så game over, Game over för dig.
Game over för den "vännen" som har kallat sig för mig vän och samtidigt gått till alla möjliga människor och bokstavligen, snackat skit om mig.
Påstått saker som inte alls varit sanna, och sedan i andra sekunden gått och sagt till mig vilken underbar vän jag är.
Du som säger till andra att jag behandlar dig som skit, när allt jag gjort är att prata bra om dig och tilloch med försvarat dig när jag sett andra behandla dig som skit.
Du som gillar mina status uppdateringar när jag skriver hur mycket jag uppskattar mina vänner.
DU är inte en av de vännerna jag syftar på.
Jag har LÄNGE vetat att du säger en sak till andra och behandlar mig på ett annat.
Du som tycker att du "förlorar" vänner till mig.
DET har INGET med mig att göra, utan det ligger nog mer hos dig, och vem DU är.
Du som svek mig och sen bad om förlåtelse, för att sedan sticka mig i ryggen igen.
De hemska sakerna som jag fått reda på att du sagt om mig är nog.
Nog för att jag aldrig mer vill ha något med dig att göra mera.
Jag tollererar MYCKET bullshit så länge man ber om ursäkt men en gång är ett misstag, Två gånger är en vana och denna vana du har att smutskasta mig och vara falsk, är INGET jag vill veta av och behöver ha i min närhet.
Så game over, Game over för dig.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Scarred
It's 3am in the morning.
I just got inside after taking an hr long walk with my sister, with whom I have not talked to or sein in over a year. Close to a year and a half actually.
Stuff happened.. It's all a long story really..
I ended up feeling abandoned and alone after not hearing from her in over a year.
We talked about things that had happened. Deep dark things.
The kind of things that ruin peoples lives.
I think we managed to talk through the roughest parts of it all..
It's gonna take a long time and major damage control..
And I don't know if I will ever forgive her for things, the scars are just so many and trust is one of the hardest things to regain. Only time will tell..
Truth is, you gotta forgive to be able to move forward in life.
It's hard holding a grudge and being angry with people.
And when it all comes down to it, it affects you more than it affects the person with whom you are upset with.
I do hope that this will bring me peace of mind and that I will be able to let go of the anxiety and anger that this has caused me.
After all, It's all about YOU anyways.
I just got inside after taking an hr long walk with my sister, with whom I have not talked to or sein in over a year. Close to a year and a half actually.
Stuff happened.. It's all a long story really..
I ended up feeling abandoned and alone after not hearing from her in over a year.
We talked about things that had happened. Deep dark things.
The kind of things that ruin peoples lives.
I think we managed to talk through the roughest parts of it all..
It's gonna take a long time and major damage control..
And I don't know if I will ever forgive her for things, the scars are just so many and trust is one of the hardest things to regain. Only time will tell..
Truth is, you gotta forgive to be able to move forward in life.
It's hard holding a grudge and being angry with people.
And when it all comes down to it, it affects you more than it affects the person with whom you are upset with.
I do hope that this will bring me peace of mind and that I will be able to let go of the anxiety and anger that this has caused me.
After all, It's all about YOU anyways.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Jersey Memories
Feel the weight
Of your hate
I still bleed
My heart aches
As you take
And you take
Of your hate
I still bleed
My heart aches
As you take
And you take
So I'm cold, made of ice
Heart of stone born to fight
But I cry
I still cry
Are you happy to know
I'm unhappy alone?
Take your shot, I'm wide open
Heart of stone born to fight
But I cry
I still cry
Are you happy to know
I'm unhappy alone?
Take your shot, I'm wide open
Words cut through my skin
Tears roll down my chin
My walls crumble within
But I'll take it all on
And get up when I fall
'Til the last curtain call
Tears roll down my chin
My walls crumble within
But I'll take it all on
And get up when I fall
'Til the last curtain call
But you'll never get the best of me no you won't
Said you'll never get the best of me no more
Aren't you tired of throwing stones
Trying to kick me when I'm down?
But you'll never get the best of me, no, you won't!
Said you'll never get the best of me no more
Aren't you tired of throwing stones
Trying to kick me when I'm down?
But you'll never get the best of me, no, you won't!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Joy
WONDERFUL news came today!
My teenage heart is breaking but I could not be happier for my childhood idol and his lovely now fiance, Lauren Kitt!
The two have been together for over 4 years now and it now looks like Nick finally put a ring on it!
I loved Lauren from the first second I met her.
She is a lovely girl and she's proven to be really good for our Backstreet Boy.
I wish them both SO much happiness and love!
My teenage heart is breaking but I could not be happier for my childhood idol and his lovely now fiance, Lauren Kitt!
The two have been together for over 4 years now and it now looks like Nick finally put a ring on it!
I loved Lauren from the first second I met her.
She is a lovely girl and she's proven to be really good for our Backstreet Boy.
I wish them both SO much happiness and love!
Girls
So today has been a good day.
One of those days that just makes you stop, and reflect on people and situations around you.
I'm a very grateful person. I do appreciate the struggles just as much as I am grateful for the more easy times in life.
I've got a fantastic army of friends behind me and for that I am truly truly grateful.
Without you guys I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
It will SUCK being me when the time comes when I get marries and all that..
Cause picking brides maids will be a pain in the ASS. Surly I can't have ALL of you!
So my gorgeous friend, Nadja had a girls nigt at her place.
Need less to say, it was interesting.
I was the only sober one out of the bunch and I'm not for that shit again in a while.
It's funny at the same time, being the only sober one.. seeing how people act under the influense of alcohol.
All in all it was a good night spent with good people.
One of those days that just makes you stop, and reflect on people and situations around you.
I'm a very grateful person. I do appreciate the struggles just as much as I am grateful for the more easy times in life.
I've got a fantastic army of friends behind me and for that I am truly truly grateful.
Without you guys I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
It will SUCK being me when the time comes when I get marries and all that..
Cause picking brides maids will be a pain in the ASS. Surly I can't have ALL of you!
So my gorgeous friend, Nadja had a girls nigt at her place.
Need less to say, it was interesting.
I was the only sober one out of the bunch and I'm not for that shit again in a while.
It's funny at the same time, being the only sober one.. seeing how people act under the influense of alcohol.
All in all it was a good night spent with good people.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
XOXO
I don't have time to hate the people who hate me.
Because I'm to busy loving the people who love me!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Loved
Just got back from celebrating baby Mollys first birthday!
Can't get enough of that little girl! She just makes me smile.
After everyone had left I stayed behind and hung out with Sandra & Johan, (Mollys parents) for a while. Had dinner at their place and talked. And just like that Sandra hands me this Beautiful Miranda bear! I used to collect them when I was younger but they got so expensive so I had to give it up.
Miranda bears always has these cute little messages printed on their shirts.
This one had a pink shirt that said "Best Friend".
Stuff like this always makes me cry like a baby, but I managed to handle myself.
I got all warm and happy inside and it just ones again proves that I really do have the best friends in the world and that I could not be in a better place than I am right now.
The love I have for my friends can't be put in to words, and I wouldn't wanna try either. I'll rather do my best in trying to show them, each and every day how much they mean to me.
Every single one of you!
Can't get enough of that little girl! She just makes me smile.
After everyone had left I stayed behind and hung out with Sandra & Johan, (Mollys parents) for a while. Had dinner at their place and talked. And just like that Sandra hands me this Beautiful Miranda bear! I used to collect them when I was younger but they got so expensive so I had to give it up.
Miranda bears always has these cute little messages printed on their shirts.
This one had a pink shirt that said "Best Friend".
Stuff like this always makes me cry like a baby, but I managed to handle myself.
I got all warm and happy inside and it just ones again proves that I really do have the best friends in the world and that I could not be in a better place than I am right now.
The love I have for my friends can't be put in to words, and I wouldn't wanna try either. I'll rather do my best in trying to show them, each and every day how much they mean to me.
Every single one of you!
THANK YOU Sandra!
This means A LOT to me!!
This means A LOT to me!!
Booked!
You know you're in a good place when it's starting to become hard to plan your week do to having too many friends so you can't fit them all in the same week. Boho.
Sure, I guess I could see all my closest friends every week, but ME time is important to me and not something I am willing to give up.
This week isn't even over yet and I'm almost booked all next week.
Monday seeing my sister, tuesday Hopefully Thea, Wednesday I'm babysitting baby Molly, Thursday laundry day, Friday seeing Nadja, saturday & sunday still open as far as I can remember.
Busy busy busy.
I'm not complaining tho.. Like I said, I know I'm in a good place.
Surrounded by awesome people whom I love and adore.
It can't and won't get any better than this.
Sure, I guess I could see all my closest friends every week, but ME time is important to me and not something I am willing to give up.
This week isn't even over yet and I'm almost booked all next week.
Monday seeing my sister, tuesday Hopefully Thea, Wednesday I'm babysitting baby Molly, Thursday laundry day, Friday seeing Nadja, saturday & sunday still open as far as I can remember.
Busy busy busy.
I'm not complaining tho.. Like I said, I know I'm in a good place.
Surrounded by awesome people whom I love and adore.
It can't and won't get any better than this.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Little Star
My little star turns one tomorrow!!
I've been invited to Mollys first birthday and I can't help to feel a little proud!
I love the fact that she likes me and that her mommy and daddy trusts me with her.
As far as I understand, there's not that many that her mommy trusts to babysit her, so for me to be one of the trusted ones.. makes me very happy.
I love that little girl!
She's always a joy to be around and I can't wait to see her grow up!
I can honestly say I've never been so excited to go to someones birthday party before!
I've been invited to Mollys first birthday and I can't help to feel a little proud!
I love the fact that she likes me and that her mommy and daddy trusts me with her.
As far as I understand, there's not that many that her mommy trusts to babysit her, so for me to be one of the trusted ones.. makes me very happy.
I love that little girl!
She's always a joy to be around and I can't wait to see her grow up!
I can honestly say I've never been so excited to go to someones birthday party before!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Babies
Babysitting baby Molly tonight
She's definitely one of the cutest and sweetest babies I know.
She's a easy one to handle too.
Her mommy and daddy left a little before 7pm and after that.. No problem what so ever.
Now, it's not the first time I'm left alone with Molly, so she knows me very well. But still.
I LOVE how her face lights up when I walk in the door at my friends house.
It sparks something in me that I can't really put in to worlds.
It's a good feeling!
I guess the fact that I should have had a 6 months old baby now makes me enjoy being around little ones, even more.
The universe works in mysterious ways, and it decided that this baby.. was gonna have to wait.
Thinking back to it now.. I would probably be better off having a baby with someone who would actually step up to the plate and take responsibility for things.
Which would be the exact opposite from what this other person did.
It don't matter tho. I will always love this person for what he gave me,
- A reason to start on new.
She's definitely one of the cutest and sweetest babies I know.
She's a easy one to handle too.
Her mommy and daddy left a little before 7pm and after that.. No problem what so ever.
Now, it's not the first time I'm left alone with Molly, so she knows me very well. But still.
I LOVE how her face lights up when I walk in the door at my friends house.
It sparks something in me that I can't really put in to worlds.
It's a good feeling!
I guess the fact that I should have had a 6 months old baby now makes me enjoy being around little ones, even more.
The universe works in mysterious ways, and it decided that this baby.. was gonna have to wait.
Thinking back to it now.. I would probably be better off having a baby with someone who would actually step up to the plate and take responsibility for things.
Which would be the exact opposite from what this other person did.
It don't matter tho. I will always love this person for what he gave me,
- A reason to start on new.
Friendship
I have to LOL at people complaining of them "losing" friends to me.
I think the problem is more on YOU than on me.
I didn't know you could own a friend. Even less that I or anyone for that matter, can have some sort of power over someone that they could make that person leave all their other friends, for just one friend?
And if that was to happen, I think the person leaving the other friends.. is the one with the problem.
Sure, I went away for a year, but I never saw that at leaving my friends.
I always knew.. or thought at least that... It will never matter where I go in the world.
My friends will be my friends regardless of where I am.
In some cases this turned out to be true. Others.. not.
I will never blame anyone or hold it against another person if they decide not to be my friend anymore.
It is their decision and I can not effect that.
My life will go on with or without them.
I keep my friends close. Cause I love the feeling of being surrounded by the people I love the most.
I don't have a family, so to me.. My friends are the closest thing I have to a family.
Some of them I don't see or speak to that often, but that does not change the fact that I love them and will always be here for them, should they ever need me.
It's simply life "getting in the way" of me seeing them as often as I would like.
After I got home I have gotten REALLY close to people I never used to be so close to.
I have been friends with them for years, but our personalities has just not been THAT great of a match.
Now, after a year of learning and growing I am a COMPLETELY different person than I was before I left.
It's a shame that some of the people I thought was closest to me, will never get to know the new and real me. But it makes me so much more grateful that the people who stood by me, are embracing me fully and are seeing me from NOW, not the past.
These are the people I want in my life.
The people whom I know I can trust and be myself around.
People who will not judge me for shit I did years ago.
People who wants to make new memories and live for the future, not the past.
THOSE, are the friends I love and adore.
To everyone else, I wish you happiness and all the love in the world.
I think the problem is more on YOU than on me.
I didn't know you could own a friend. Even less that I or anyone for that matter, can have some sort of power over someone that they could make that person leave all their other friends, for just one friend?
And if that was to happen, I think the person leaving the other friends.. is the one with the problem.
Sure, I went away for a year, but I never saw that at leaving my friends.
I always knew.. or thought at least that... It will never matter where I go in the world.
My friends will be my friends regardless of where I am.
In some cases this turned out to be true. Others.. not.
I will never blame anyone or hold it against another person if they decide not to be my friend anymore.
It is their decision and I can not effect that.
My life will go on with or without them.
I keep my friends close. Cause I love the feeling of being surrounded by the people I love the most.
I don't have a family, so to me.. My friends are the closest thing I have to a family.
Some of them I don't see or speak to that often, but that does not change the fact that I love them and will always be here for them, should they ever need me.
It's simply life "getting in the way" of me seeing them as often as I would like.
After I got home I have gotten REALLY close to people I never used to be so close to.
I have been friends with them for years, but our personalities has just not been THAT great of a match.
Now, after a year of learning and growing I am a COMPLETELY different person than I was before I left.
It's a shame that some of the people I thought was closest to me, will never get to know the new and real me. But it makes me so much more grateful that the people who stood by me, are embracing me fully and are seeing me from NOW, not the past.
These are the people I want in my life.
The people whom I know I can trust and be myself around.
People who will not judge me for shit I did years ago.
People who wants to make new memories and live for the future, not the past.
THOSE, are the friends I love and adore.
To everyone else, I wish you happiness and all the love in the world.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
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