Home alone tonight. Sister is out of town.. She pops of to go to Stockholm every other weekend or so. Just like me!
Anna and I just booked my birthday trip to NY/NJ.
I thought I'd be more excited than this to be honest.
I'm kind of.. blank, about it?
I think.. after all the history I have in Jersey.. It's become toxic to me.
A lot of memories that I hold so close to my heart, yet they are memories that needs to be kept away from me.. It's hard to explain.
But it all comes down to the fact that, Jordan is in Jersey.
New York and New Jersey sounds like SUCH a good idea and I LOVE New York. It's my favorite place in the world. And I love Jersey to. So much.. It's like home to me.
I think I just need to revisit that place and make new memories.
And make it that place of happiness that it used be, to me.
I need to connect to the city and to Jersey as the person I am today, and not be stuck in the memories as the person I used to be.
I'm not gonna lie.. I'm a bit anxious to go back.
Although I've been back 3 or 4 times since I last saw Jordan.. That feeling just never goes away.
I don't know how I would react if I ever saw him again.
I mean.. I'm definitely a different person now. A better person now.
What I did to Jordan I will never be able to take back or fix. And I know this.
But if I ever was to see him again. I hope that he would be able to see the person I am today, rather than the sick, broken person I used to be.
I think he would like the person I am today. I know I do.
♥
Returning to New Jersey & New York as this person!
Out with the old, In with the new!
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